Noise Pollution
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: Ice that vagina down, get some coffee and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together. —SasuSakuSaso.
1. whole lotta love

**Notes: **HEY SO remember a couple of years back when all I would ever write was lolzy stuff and slice of life? Yeah, me too!

So here's me trying to come back to that style, but bare with me, I'm still 'new' so it'll come out a bit awkward but, whatevs! Also, this is like a remix of With Me. You guys remember that, right? Some elements are still here!

So, let's travel back to xfucktheglasses' good ole' days where everything she wrote was NOT angst!

* * *

"Ino I need to talk to you."

Haruno Sakura curled the curly-cord of her funky red house phone around her finger, shoulders hunched and green eyes wide with fear and teeth chewing at her lower lip.

"_Oh god, what did you do this time, Forehead? I swear someone should put you on a leash; come over and tell me everything."_

"Oh my god, _no_! I can't go back there—ever—ohmygod, no—um, look, why don't we just, uh, meet at the coffee shop? I just—yeah." She ran a hand through her short hair, messing up her part and pulling her hair back, entirely.

"And _don't _tell anyone who you're going to meet."

There was shifting on the other line and Sakura pictured Ino pausing from walking around her (new) room and hanging her dresses in her (new) closet and dumping her endless collection of shoes onto the ground of said (new) closet because she was _still_ not finished moving into her (NEW) house.

(Who lied and told Ino it was okay to get knocked up and therefore have to move to her baby daddy's house—not to mention His house, ugh—and not live two floors above her but rather fifteen minutes away?

Whoever that was deserved the biggest death sentence in the world.)

"_Now I'm seriously worried—did you do something, like, Tenten-level? Oh my god, you did, didn't you?"_

Sakura sputtered.

"Would you just meet me over there?!"

"_Well, yeah, but you have to wait 'til I finish with this box—stay on the line with me!" _There was some shuffling, again, and Sakura sighed, blowing her cheeks up with air before letting it all out in one go. _"So! How are things with Sasuke!_"

"Nghhh." Sakura slumped in her seat and quietly tried to suppress her memories…

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**1**

**Whole Lotta Love**

* * *

She had no idea why she was even there.

It's not that Sakura disliked parties—it's just that she didn't like them, very much. Especially _house_ parties of some stupid meatball head that got wasted even before the party started and therefore had no idea what his guests were up to. She swore her heart ached every single time she heard something crash and shatter. And what was the whole point of this, anyway? Watching morons get drunk and slobber and throw up and kiss and—and—and.

(Honestly, she totally did dislike parties; there was just nothing party-worthy to see and celebrate. Sakura blamed high school and the After Graduation party that involved a lot of people making asses of themselves and crying and throwing up and she still stood by the fact that she saw a threesome happening.

Her innocence was lost, in that party, not gonna lie.)

This house was nice and spacious, she wasn't going to lie and, oh, if it didn't have a nice foyer.

A nice foyer that reeked of puke and was that _piss_.

Sakura scurried into one of the two living rooms, red party cup still in her hands and still full to the brim. She really did hate beer—and drinking, in general. Just—why?

(No it had nothing to do with her zero alcohol tolerance, shut up.)

She sat down on the black leather couch; there seemed to be something white on one of the arms. Sakura pretended it was frosting and scooted more towards the center of the couch. She sighed and looked around at her surroundings, awkwardly; people were grinding against each other and the air stunk of sweat, alcohol, vomit and s_ex_ and god how she wished Ino was there.

She really, really did.

"Sakura."

She perked up, pausing from her scanning and turning to her right. Sasuke sat there, a party cup much like her own in one of his hands. Now that she noticed, more, there was a coffee table right in front of them with countless of empty cups and broken—broken _things_.

"Oh," she stammered, looking around one last time before setting her eyes on him. "Hey, Sasuke."

He nodded at her, his eyes lowering down to her party cup; for a second, Sakura thought they'd lower to her decent amount of cleavage-showing (_HAHA YEAH RIGHT_, Inner Sakura snorted), but, alas, this was _Uchiha Sasuke _after all.

"You haven't even taken a sip," he commented, taking her cup out of her hand and handing her the one he was holding.

As he chugged down the beer (Red Moon—Orange Moon—Blue Moon—something), she looked down at his cup; it was filled one-fourth of the way up with something clear. Sakura was actually very, very surprised that someone like Sasuke was drinking _water_ of all things when an arsenal of alcohol was at but an arm's reach.

Shrugging, she brought the cup to her lips and threw her head back as she swallowed it all in one go.

The burning down her throat sort of insinuated that what she just drank was not water at all.

In the next second, Sakura was seeing doubles, triples and even quadruples and _ohmygod _everything was so funny. She sat in place, upper body swaying every other five seconds and her eyes were half-lidded and there was this _grin_. Everything was just so wonderful, she swore. She giggled at a particular couple that seemed to be dry fucking right on the dance floor.

"Y'okay?"

She turned to face Sasuke, grin still intact and nodded. "Oh, yeah. I'm just peachy!"

And she leaned closer towards him, and he didn't pull away.

* * *

"And then—oh my god, Ino. I had sex with Uchiha Sasuke."

The look Yamanaka Ino was giving her was almost lecherous. Actually, scratch that, it so _was_ lechereous, the stupid perverted blond, fat _pig_. Sakura hid behind the rim of her caramel macchiato and tried to not think of what happened approximately eighteen hours ago.

"Like, right there," Ino questioned, dipping her finger into the domed-lid and scooping some whipped cream. "In front of everyone—talk about exhibitionism, way to go, Sakura!"

"Shut _up_ it was nothing like that!" She looked around the coffee shop and pulled the hood of her over-sized hoodie over her head. "It _escalated_, Ino-pig, duh. Sasuke had to get himself drunk, first and just—nghh, can we not talk about this anymore?"

Ino threw her head back as she laughed. Her hand was still around her venti, extra caramel, caramel frappe. Sakura stared at her with a glower, waiting for the stupid idiot to quiet down; she knew she shouldn't have told her but—but—but, oh, she didn't know. She was going to find out, anyway, right? And her mysterious disappearance? Her dire need to avoid the Uchiha residence like the plague?

Ino wasn't stupid, so…

Sakura sighed and slumped down even more so.

* * *

"So, what, are you guys an item, now," Ino asked as they walked back towards Sakura's house.

It was a chilly, yet sunny, mid-October day in Konoha; they walked with cardigans and hoodies and scarves stylishly wrapped around their necks. With leggings and comfortable furry boots and messy buns and sex hair. All in all, they looked like crap but it was okay because it was two o'clock in the afternoon on a lazy Sunday.

Sakura sighed and hid under the hem of her hoodie.

"Absolutely not." She paused, lips pursed under the fabric. "Or… I don't know—no. I highly doubt it—no. Shut up, Ino, stop asking me stupid questions."

Ino sighed, next to her. "Forehead, take a chill pill." She paused as they turned towards the entrance to Sakura's apartment complex, a hand in the air and strands of white-blond hair tangled with her lashes. "Ice that vagina down, get some coffee and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together."

Sakura froze.

(Honestly, she should _not_ be surprised with the things that came out of Ino's mouth; like, seriously, what the hell _was_ that.

_PREACH IT BABY GIRL, PREACH IT, _Inner Sakura screeched.)

They both paused right at the steps that lead up to the apartments, both turning to glance as Itachi double-parked across from them. Ino turned towards her, smirking and winking before walking away.

"I expect you at my house tomorrow, I still need help moving in—don't you be a bad best friend!"

* * *

Sakura found herself awkwardly standing in Ino's (new) front porch.

The Uchiha abode was a very simple, very elegant Victorian house located fifteen minutes away from the mall and fifteen minutes away from their university. It was decorated with furniture that was just as simple and just as elegant as the entire structure and no matter how many times Sakura had walked in there, she was always left breathless.

Once inside, Sakura rushed past the foyer and towards the stairs that'd lead her not only to the second floor where her stupid best friend's new bedroom was but also where His bedroom was, as well.

She tried not to gulp and decided that she needed to grab her tits

(Here, a cackle resounded in her head that sounded a lot like Karin.

This promptly caused her to have an inner nervous breakdown.)

and take the situation in stride. Or, you know, prowl around like nothing happened. That, too, she supposed.

In reality, she did neither; rather, she scurried down the hall and practically flung herself into Ino's room, slamming the door closed, behind her, and leaning against it as she heaved in her attempts to regain her breath.

Ino was at the bed, folding clothes and walking towards the dresser or the closet. At Sakura's entrance, she paused and spared her a brief glance before she rolled her eyes and threw the lacy..._thing_…at her and said, "Oh, would you stop being obnoxious—he's not even here. He went out with Naruto; probably to meet up with the other idiots and do something stupid; you know how they are."

At this, Sakura calmed down.

Because with Sasuke not being there, there was a less of a chance for her to bump into him.

And with Sasuke most probably meeting up with his merry band of misfits, there was a big chance he wouldn't be back until way after midnight which made there be an even lesser chance of them bumping into each other.

And thus, Sakura'd win all the awards.

Now relaxed, Sakura walked over to the queen-sized bed that Ino now shared not only with her baby daddy but _the_ man that was the main protagonist in every girl's fantasies; their university's campus Hot Shot—the one and only Uchiha Itachi.

(Which was something peculiar all in itself because even with the titles over his head and the facts that backed those titles up, Itachi was Proper.

Like, for example, he knocked Ino up and didn't falter to have her move in with him and take their silly casual sex-ing to the Serious level.

Some men, really.

Lovely creatures, they were.

Like Itachi.

So pretty.

So hot.

So Proper.)

She sighed, dreamily, as she folded one of Ino's plain t-shirts; she thoroughly ignored the funny look Ino sent her way and rather turned and walked to the dresser. The room was spacious—most probably the master bedroom of the house—big enough to fit Ino's extensive shoe collection and never ending clothes and trinkets and accessories and other such things and _still_ have room for Itachi's things.

Itachi and Sasuke did not live with their parents, for they moved to Oto (three hours and fifteen minutes as well as an entire bridge away from Konoha) to give their beach house and their—Mikoto's—small bookstore some usage. Their offspring chose to remain in Konoha and not only finish their studies but rock the female masses with just breathing.

They did a marvelous job on both.

"Oh crap," Ino moaned, making a gurgling sound before bolting towards the private bathroom near the room's door.

Sakura blinked for ten seconds before she scurried after her, grabbing Ino's long hair before any damage was done. She tried to think of other things as Ino did her, ah, rather forced business; like wondering what Tenten was up to or if Karin was going to come over or—or—

"Can—ugh—can you please go downstairs and bring me a water bottle?"

Sakura, just a little bit nervous at Ino's random morning sickness, nodded and walked out of the room.

With the door closed behind her and halfway down the hall towards the stairs, she realized that someone was coming _up_ said stairs.

At the realization, she froze; total deer in front of the headlight.

And watched as Sasuke ascended.

Their eyes locked as he turned towards her upon feeling someone's presence.

They stood there and stared.

And Sakura inwardly gushed over how beautiful he was with his messy black hair and pale skin and dark eyes and dark t-shirt and gray skinnies. And just, he was so amazing—so quiet—so rebellious—so _pretty_. Sakura wondered what she could have done in her past lives to have wound up with the curse of being in crazy, stupid love with Uchiha Sasuke.

A minute passed.

"Um," she said, softly, awkwardly.

(_LET'S HAVE MORE SEX_, raged her psychotic conscience. _GOD YOU ARE SO PRETTY_.)

"…Hi."

He stared at her for one more second before giving her a curt chin-nudge that guys gave each other as hellos.

And then he walked the opposite way and to his room.

Sakura was left reeling.

* * *

I really am trying, haha. It'll be fun switching from theorem to this; lawd knows I'm gonna need the fun. Anywhoo, this is NOT the entire cast, hopefully they'll pop up next chapter or something cool like that.

For now, I'm gonna go knock out coz I have class in the morn. Please feed me reviews because I love you all. c;


	2. ballbreaker

**Notes: **WELL that was a big positive response. I dig that, I dig that. I... I think this'll be easier with each chapter. So. Let's just. Idk. Enjoy my attempts.

UM I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING BUT I FORGOT SO WHATEVER.

* * *

Ino tilted her head.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared harder when Sakura wasn't at all broken out of her train of thought by the intense heat of her stare. Which was _totally _weird because Sakura was so self-conscious that even a random passerby sparing her a second glance had her freaking out that something was on her face.

(But then again, that was probably also a trauma from the time when they were seven and everyone was so into saying she had an alien-sized forehead.

Which, in Ino's opinion was a _total lie_. Like, seriously! If anything, Sakura had just been sporting the wrong haircut; like those obnoxious haircuts where the bangs are too short which makes the forehead look ten million times their actual size. Like, has anyone seen the girl's forehead now that she donned the popular side-swooped bangs?

Totally normal sized—

What had she been talking about, again?)

She sighed, blowing air out of her barely parted lips and looking skyward as her bangs flew around before falling over her left eye, again. She turned the cap of her water bottle, tightly, and settled it onto the nightstand. She walked towards Sakura, who was sitting on the cushioned windowsill, holding one of the few pillows against her chest, eyes glazed over.

Ino snapped her fingers in her face once—twice—thrice—

"Hell_ooo_," she drawled, "Earth to Forehead!"

Sakura finally shook her head, blinked her eyes and looked up at her, confusion clear on her expression. "Wait—what?"

Ino rolled her eyes and turned away from her.

Clearly something was up with the big loser; something was always up with Sakura, whether it was her classes, her weird obsession with collecting comic books or one Uchiha Sasuke…

Oh, well shit.

Ino blinked her eyes and paused from walking towards the closet to hang some of her jeans. Clearly, since classes were still about a month and a half away from midterm (thank god), and she had just gone to the comic book shop two days ago (thankfully without her)… Then her only problem was _clearly_ Sasuke.

But Sasuke had left, Ino mused, turning her back on her estranged best friend. She saw him leave, even ate breakfast with him… So why… She couldn't really be over thinking about the drunk sex… Could she?

(But this was Haruno Sakura.

Choppy, messy short pink hair always down and with a red clip pinning her bangs to one side, with cat-eyeliner and no other makeup, with simple t-shirts and skinnies or short-shorts and converses. The little thing that was nineteen yet still looked like she was one-fourth into puberty.

That was Haruno Sakura and that Haruno Sakura tended to over think everything.

Like for their fifth grade graduation where she overthought the fact that singing You're My Best Friend by Queen instead of the traditional I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly or Lean On Me by Bill Withers was setting them up for failure in their future and it took Ino almost the entire day before graduation, as well as three more hours of the day _of_ graduation, to convince her that everything was going to be okay because they were gonna fly and lean on each other coz they were best friends.

Seriously, this was a hard job.)

Ino sighed and walked out of the closet, placing her hands on her hips and staring as Sakura distracted herself with fixing the top of one of the dressers that now held all her accessories, body lotions and spray and her makeup.

"Forehead, We are going out."

Because _clearly_ something needed to be done and her best friend was Stupid.

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**2**

**Ballbreaker**

* * *

Ino and the mall were One.

She was more than positive she was derived from some shopping mall—an enormous one with amazing shops to shop at. She had been split apart from it one day when her hippie mother and hippie father had been roaming around and then flew into her mother's stomach and settling into her womb, where it grew and grew into a healthy baby with white-blond hair and gray-blue eyes that sparkled and shone like glitter.

(This story tended to change because Ino was also positive she had been a star before gracing the world with her glittery essence.)

Either way, the mall was the home she was not allowed to stay in for more than a few hours. And being inside it made her want to smile from ear to ear. Now, she walked down the upper floor, humming to herself and locking arms with Sakura, head turning from one side to the other because, ohmygod, so much pretty things.

She didn't know what exactly they were there for, but at least Sakura was doing something other than tormenting herself with thoughts.

Because, ew, thoughts, who needed those, right?

Seriously.

"Oh my gosh," Ino perked up, turning to grin at Sakura. "We can totally go and say hi to my boyfriend!"

"Will that require me staring at you both while you gush."

Ino scoffed, "Itachi doesn't gush, Forehead. Duh."

And thus she began to lead Sakura through the herd of humans and towards the escalators that would take them to the lower level. If Sakura wasn't mistaken, Itachi still worked at the video game store he'd started working at in his last year in high school; Eightball. He was the source for Sasuke getting free video games and for feeding Sasuke's addiction to video games.

She groaned as Ino yanked her into the small store, a half-grin on her lips as Itachi spared them both a glance as he spoke to someone… That Sakura had never seen before… Wow was he pretty… _Wow_.

"Hey, Itachi," Ino said, smiling at him before turning her eyes to the guy that was holding Sakura's attention.

"Hello," Itachi greeted, giving them both a half-smirk before, "This is Sasori; Sasori, this is Ino and that is Sakura."

Sakura felt herself grow tense as Sasori turned his yellow-brown eyes towards her and flashed her a crooked smile.

"Nghhh."

"Oh lord," Ino muttered.

Sakura couldn't help it! He was so _pretty_.

(_Lemme see, lemme see. Messy red hair and killer colored eyes, bored expression, tall, looks lean yet not overly built which is so sexy. Oh my god he's staring at us LET'S HAVE RAGING SEX_

Sakura squashed her diabolical conscience and tried not to grit her teeth in annoyance. Because, seriously that was freaking confusing and if she didn't concentrate, she would be stupid enough to say all that aloud! Now how was she going to get into this guy's pants if he thought she was weird and a total nympho?

Oh, ew, there was a cackling Karin resounding in her head.

Sakura was schizophrenic, wasn't she?)

"I should come around more often; I never knew Itachi had such pretty friends!" Ino, ever the flirt, even when her boyfriend was right in front of her. "Do you work here?"

"Not exactly," Sasori answered, his lips still in a soft, crooked smirk. "Just dropping by."

"Oh, how funny, so are we!" Ino's eyes glittered and Sakura didn't think she liked it. "We should totally have lunch together to wait for Itachi's shift to end!"

Sakura almost moaned.

* * *

"So tell me more about yourself, Sasori," Ino gushed, holding her frappe close to her in an almost protective embrace. "Do you go to Konoha University, coz I don't think I've seen you there."

Sakura fingered the lid of her seven-pumps white mocha, her eyes turning from Ino to Sasori. And this was only because she didn't want to get caught staring at such a glorious creature. He was better than waffles with whipped cream. Sakura was fangirling—lord, she was fangirling again. She thought she got over that nasty habit in the seventh grade!

"Actually," Sasori said and it took all Sakura had not to squeal at his amazing low drawl. "I just moved here from Suna."

"Ooh," Ino continued to gush. "How are you liking Konoha? I hope you've learned to love it, now that you've met us!"

Sasori chuckled.

Sakura needed waffles.

Fuck what other people said about chocolate being the ultimate comfort food.

Now _waffles_.

Mmm, waffles made her feel better and filled up any hole her obnoxious loneliness and utter failure carved.

And now she was feeling sorry for herself because she was in the presence of someone so gorgeous—so glorious—so yummy and—

(_ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS THROW YOURSELF ON HIM, JUST SAYIN'_

No, Karin, shut up.)

"Oh, wait," Ino said, sounding very ill. "Um, Sasori, love, give us a second. Sakura—bathroom—now—fast!"

Sakura only managed to throw Sasori an apologetic smile before she was lost behind the bathroom door. She scurried after Ino, only pausing for a second when she recognized the redhead fixing her hair at the mirror. "Karin!"

And a second later she was holding Ino's hair back and rubbing soothing circles on her back.

* * *

They sat in an entirely different order, now.

Sakura was stiff as she sat in between Ino and Sasori and Karin, smirking straight across from her, was doing little to no help in calming her nerves. God, why'd she have to be such a loser when it came to pretty guys? Maybe that's why her entire life was shadowed by her intense, sugary, crazy stupid love for Sasuke.

Maybe that's why said ship sunk before it ever sailed because Sasuke would never return her feelings because she was Awkward.

Someone cleared their throat.

She hoped it wasn't Sasori and she hoped he didn't think she was weird.

"So what're you doing here, wifey," Ino, ever the tension repellent, asked, smiling.

Karin shifted her red eyes from Sakura and her attention to Ino, smirk still on her lips. "Oh. Naruto got paid; and you know how I got that moron wrapped around my finger with all the dirty secrets I'm holding. He brought me shopping, so I wouldn't get sad and call Aunt Kushina about certain tickets."

"Nice," Ino grinned.

Karin's eyes turned to Sasori, "I'm Karin, by the way. You're cute."

Sakura blinked her eyes.

Ino grinned.

"Sasori," Sasori said, smirking right back at her.

* * *

Sasuke took a deep exhale as he walked into the mall through the back, his annoyance rising as he saw how crowded the eatery section was. He cracked the kinks out of his neck, his eyes lowering down as he stared at the text his brother sent him.

Stupid Itachi for texting him when they were _just_ outside of Konoha. Stupid Itachi for texting him and making him turn the car around. Because there was just no way he could say no to the offer; addict he _was_ and he didn't care. He sighed, again, making his way to the less crowded side so he could walk without having the urge to destroy everyone in sight.

God, he hated the mall.

It was mankind's fodder creation.

He wished every single mall in the world was destroyed.

Because then he wouldn't have to deal with people pushing and shoving and work and—

"Hey ain't that Sak'ra?" Suigetsu asked to no one in particular. "…Who's th' dude she kissin'?"

Sasuke stared, his Adam's apple bobbling as he swallowed and watched Sakura and some guy kiss while Ino and Karin sat around.

Someone cleared their throat, as they came to a (reluctant, on his part) pause at their table.

Sakura's eyes were wide as she pulled away, her lips in a big 'o' as she gasped. "Oh! Sasuke, hi, uh. Hi…"

* * *

At some point, Sakura was shoved forward, her lips smashing against Sasori's as he tried to keep her upright. Everything was wrong and awkward but damn if his lips weren't soft and nice and Sakura froze completely. And she didn't really think she knew what was going on so she just sat there, half of her body leaning against Sasori's, with their lips pressed together.

(She was positive she heard Karin snorting and Ino whistling almost innocently.

She needed new friends.)

At some point, someone cleared their throat.

Sakura quickly jumped away from Sasori, turning to face Karin who was probably the one to—

"Oh! Sasuke, hi, uh. Hi…"

Sasuke stood there… With Suigetsu and Sai and Kiba and Neji… And he was staring at her, facial expression blank; dark eyes set on her even as his messy forelocks fell over them, obscuring his vision and—and—and—and why the hell should she feel this way, anyway?!

Wasn't it he who treated her as if they hadn't had sex two nights ago?

"Meet Sasori," she said, meekly.

Sasuke's eyes shifted to Sasori for a once over before he gave a curt nod and began to lead his friends away.

Sakura's eyes followed them until they were out of sight.

What exactly was… That…?

* * *

Well... That was fun. This is probably filled with minor typos but I wanted to post it before I went to bed because I'd forget about its existence, otherwise. Anyway, thank you all for your support on my Mega Spam with my old stuff, yesterday!

Feed me reviews because I love you all c;


	3. have a drink on me

**Notes: **Welp, to say that I had two scenes written down for this chapter for WEEKS is the exact truth. To say that third chapters for ANY story is the shittiest shit ever is also the exact truth.

BUT ALAS HERE I AM BRINGING YOU CRAP. Tho' Emily said it was amazing and she actually fixed it up before I thrust'd it over here. So.

Also.

How do you guys... read 34 stories all in the total of four minutes? Because, I swear, I want those powers. I mean, one of these days, I forgot when, I woke up to thirty-four story favorites (mind you that was ALL the stories on my account before I posted some other stuff) and I was like "Well fuck me against a wall and call me whore! I want to be able to read that amount of stories in less than five minutes!"

Seriously.

* * *

Later that day,

(only it wasn't _day_ per se, it was more like _way_ after midnight… Which wasn't the same day, now, was it? Hm, he should really try to figure this out…)

Sasuke was sprawled on his bed, staring at the dark ceiling and grinning (drunkenly) at the feeling of floating. Sasuke had a very notorious alcohol tolerance; eight drinks. He can handle eight drinks and after that he was seeing two and apologizing to poles when he bumped into them. He didn't remember how he got back from Oto, to say the least.

(_COZ I HAD TO SACRIFICE MY DRINKING, ASSHOLE!_

Ew, was that Naruto talking inside his head? How'd that happen?)

He sat up and swiped his hair out of his face, staring at the shadows that filled his room.

He wasn't tired, he decided, shedding his shirt and unbuckling his belt. He walked around the room, surprisingly not tripping on his feet. With memorized ease, he turned his PS3 and his TV on before settling back onto his bed. Playing video games while drunk was something Sasuke was extremely good at (Doing anything while drunk was something he was extremely good at.

_LIKE HAVING SEX WITH SAK'RA, _the Suigetsu inside his head cackled.

There was a sober side of Sasuke inside his head, somewhere, that lunged to the eerie manifestations of his best friends. And somewhere, in there, too, he realized this wasn't at all a sane thing to be happening inside his head. Much less while he was drunk… Perhaps he should stop drinking for a few weeks…

…Naaaaaahhh...)

Playing Assassins Creed was simply easier for him while he was inebriated. He had a bit more patience and he _concentrated_.

He had a feeling it was because he was disconnected from everything else. Like, for example, he was disconnected to the fact that one of his idiot friends probably had his car keys and his car, as well as the fact that he had class in about five hours and that he had _really_ seen Haruno Sakura kiss some _guy_ at the mall, earlier that day (the day before, whatever).

Like…

Who does that—wait, wait, wait… Who _was_ that?

Wait, wait…

(Sasuke tilted his head, watching his character hop across rooftops.

"Che," he slurred. )

…Why did he even _care_?

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**3**

**Have a Drink on Me**

* * *

Ino hummed as she peeled some oranges to add to her fruit salad; it looked so yummy, so far, with strawberries, mangoes, pineapples, a little bit of melons (she didn't like melons, much) some green apples and now some oranges! Ooh, and after she'd add some honey and cinnamon. This was going to be the _perfect_ fruit salad she'd ever made.

Itachi had left, already; he had a lecture from eight to ten-thirty and another class right after as well as closing shift at Eightball. It made Ino s_ad_ because he was going to be so tired!

She sighed, dumping some of the now peeled and sliced oranges onto the bowl.

It was another nice, sunny day in October, she took note, eyes squinted as she stared out the glass doors that led to the backyard and tried to figure out what she could wear once she had to get ready for her noon class. She was three and a half months into her pregnancy, so she was still comfortable with wearing anything in her closet. But something told her it was a day for boots, leggings, slouchy-oversized sweaters, scarves and messy buns.

She plucked a strawberry out of her bowl and popped it into her mouth just as Sasuke walked into the kitchen, still wearing yesterday's jeans (belt unbuckled and button undone), shirtless and with very messy hair.

"My, my, my," she teased, gray-blue eyes following him as he walked to the fridge, groaning and with his head thrown back. "Don't you look ravishing."

"Go away," Sasuke drawled, rubbing at his eyes and taking out a water bottle.

Ino sat on a barstool, fork in one hand, and stared as Sasuke gulped down the entire water inside the water bottle in less than two minutes.

(Ino was not going to lie and say she had never once found Sasuke attractive. Because, like, then that'd be a _total lie_.

There was just something about Sasuke that made him God on Earth.

She figured it had to do with his pale skin and dark messy hair and even darker eyes and aristocratic facial structure. And, she presumed, his lean body had something to do with it, too. Sasuke had been in their high school's football team so to say that he was lanky was a very, very large understatement. He had muscles but he wasn't bulky like, let's say, Naruto. He was lean, muscles hidden to the eye but not to the touch.

And he was quiet!

Quiet to the point where his fanclub described it as mysterious, alluring and addicting.

Seriously, it was so funny to crash that club in ninth grade… Ah, high school.)

"What time did you get in?" She asked, offering him a slice of apple, with her fork. "And you do realize you have ten minutes to get to your class, correct?"

Sasuke stared at her, blankly, periwinkle bags under his dark eyes. He plucked the apple off of her fork and walked towards the pantry. "'Dunno, but I was playing Assassins Creed; woke up with it still on."

"_Ooh_, so you were hung-over! Nice!" Ino watched him pour cereal unto a bowl, fascinated at watching his body language. She totally did not forget what she'd accidentally caused the day before! "What was the occasion?"

Sasuke paused and stared at her.

"Is there ever a need for a reason?"

At this, she rolled her eyes and sighed.

"You are hopeless."

"Where's Itachi?"

Ino's eyes brightened at this. Match maker, she was not, but she'd be damned if she didn't have fun pushing and poking and maybe even smacking around the Clueless and Hopeless. "Oh, he left early to meet up with Sasori."

And she watched Sasuke pause, once again; his eyes lowered to the milk that flooded the Frosted Flakes for a brief moment before he tilted his wrist again and continued his task. "I see."

Oh, this was perfect, Ino's subconscious purred.

* * *

Sakura sighed, fingering the lid of her salted caramel hot chocolate.

From the corner of her eye, she could see Naruto turning his head, slightly, to spare her a very quick glance before returning his undivided attention to the road ahead. She bit the inside of her cheek, feeling stupid for letting her exhale be so loud and breathy and heavy with melancholy. He may not look it, and sometimes she was positive he did it on purpose, but Naruto was a very perceptive moron—

"Y'okay, Sakura-chan?"

She looked up, rebellious forelocks tangling with her lashes as they tried to invade her eyes. "Oh, yeah. I'm cool…"

He spared her another glance and Sakura fought back a snort.

(Naruto was her Person.

Sakura was a firm believer that everyone had a Person in the world, and hers happened to be this terrifically moronic idiot, next to her. He was her Person—she thought it'd be Ino, what with all the things they've been through together and whatever else. But Ino was her platonic soulmate.

Naruto was her Person, and she was unabashed to say that he knew things about her that not even Ino knew.)

"I kissed someone yesterday," she inevitably blurted out just as soon as the silence became too much.

(It's not her fault!

Silence was so ugly and—and—and—_ugly_! No she was not a blabbermouth, damn it all!)

Naruto took the opportunity to fully turn and stare at her as he paused the car at a stoplight. Sakura swallowed, licking her upper lip and trying (AND FAILING) to meet his stare head on. He hadn't changed, much, she told herself as means to distract her complete inner panic attack. He was still so _Naruto_ with his big blue eyes, his crooked grins, his tanned skin and his shaggy unkept hair.

He was like Barbie's Ken, she decided, almost snorting at the look Naruto would wear if she ever told him that aloud. A total beach boy

(LIKE A LIFE GUARD, her diabolical inner entity screeched and cooed)

and that was one of the many reasons why Sakura never really fell for his charms, as much as he had tried to woo her when their psychotic, abusive, ridiculous friendship began. And this was probably why Sakura was so sure he was her Person—because he was so steady, so unchanging, so… He was the one thing that was constant and not confusing and god if she didn't love him for it.

He cleared his throat, brows furrowed, "Uh…"

"Naruto, you know how I _feel_ about your stupid best friend! You _know_ what I've always wished for when you catch the lashes on my cheeks and you _know_ what I wished for, for my sixteenth birthday when you all brought me that cake at school. You—"

"Okay, okay, _okay_!" He waved a hand in the air before rubbing at his face. "Okay, I get it, jeez. I just—okay, who… Was this poor unfortunate—OW!"

Sakura twitched as she took a dainty sip of her hot chocolate.

"Anyway," Naruto cleared his throat. "Who was it?"

She fidgeted, again, chewing on the inside of her cheek. A thought about him came to mind almost instantly, her heart skipping a bit and tingles spreading around her system—it made her think of that static thing that takes over a channel when connection to the cable is lost.

Red hair, yellow-brown eyes, soft smirk… Sakura swallowed and turned to look out the window to hide her blush.

"His name's Sasori—"

"Sasori?! Sasori?! Who the hell is this _Sasori_ and why the hell is he touching _my_—OW!"

Sakura twitched, again, clenching hand unclenching her hands in her lap. "His name is Sasori," she growled through clenched teeth, "And he just moved here from Suna—he's friends with Itachi."

"AN OLDER GUY, I FORBID—OW!"

Naruto rubbed his sore arm with one hand, the other lazily steering the wheel as they neared the university's campus. He sighed, almost pouting and lower lip quivering. "Now that you've thoroughly gotten my arm to bruise up under my shirt, mind telling me what the problem is?"

"Sasuke."

"What about that bastard?"

Sakura fidgeted, some more, lifting her legs up to sit criss-cross-apple-sauce in her seat. "He saw us."

Naruto perked up, but then slouched again. "How is _that_ a problem?"

"YEAH THANKS," Sakura screeched, already aiming another punch at his defenseless arm. "I just—I wish it _was_ a problem and I guess that's the problem in general, you know, the fact that there is no problem to be a problem to begin with?"

"Dude… What…?"

"Ugh!"

"So you _want_ Sasuke to be, uh, mad or whatever over seeing you kiss some guy—this is kind of weird of you, and, I don't know, _why_?"

"I don't know!" Sakura flapped her arms in the air unattractively. "I mean we _did_ have sex at that party—"

"Why the fuck do you tell me these things, Jesus-fucking-Christ."

"—and I just hoped… You know…"

She made a weird motion with her hands and Naruto eyed them with a raised eyebrow and narrowed eyes.

"That he'd… Develop feelings for you?"

Sakura sighed. "I know, it sounds stupid."

"Yup—OW!"

He sighed, almost in tears, and reached over to pat her head. The car slowly died as the motor fell asleep just as soon as Naruto took the key out of the ignition. They both slid out of their seats after reaching over to grab their notebooks. Naruto wrapped an arm around her shoulders, engulfing her like the bear he was.

"D'aw, who cares about that bastard anyway? Just go on and… Kiss this Sasori who is an older guy and have fun." He nodded, his blue eyes scanning the campus. "You deserve it!"

* * *

Sasuke hadn't been planning to go to any of his classes, that day; it was a common thing he did—skip out on classes to stay home and sleep or do something more entertaining. It was easy to do because there was always _someone_ that was willing (it was always some girl that claimed to be in love with him or, sometimes, a friend or two) to sign him in and either grab the handouts, take notes or share notes with him.

He always won.

But then his stupid brother had to go and impregnate Yamanaka Ino and then she had to move into his house and then he became, like, the faux father-to-be or a driver or, worse, Alfred Pennyworth.

(Seriously, if Sasuke ever had the chance to describe when exactly his life went wrong it'd go like this:

-His mother conceived a baby  
-His mother had said baby  
-His mother and father named him Itachi  
-Itachi was thoroughly born and alive and well  
-Itachi was _alive_)

Which was why Sasuke found himself on the driver's seat of his precious '78 Camaro, his hair beyond messier than normal, eyes squinted with sleep and clothes disheveled. Next to him on the passenger's seat, Ino sat looking as happy as she always was by default; hair in a very messy bun, oversized hoodie of their old high school and leggings with slouchy boots.

If this went on, people were going to think _he_ was her boyfriend and the father of her baby.

Sasuke grumbled under his breath.

"C'mon," Ino cooed, shifting in her seat. "It's just your English class—English classes are so much _fun_."

He didn't reply, settling into concentrating on other things; like not falling asleep or looking for some blackmail on Itachi because he _sucked_.

"I mean," Ino went on, completely unperturbed by his silence, "We all have to sacrifice _something. _I mean, I am sacrificing two hours of my life in which I can sit at home and watch the premiere of the second season of my favorite novella to go to my Art class."

Sasuke blinked.

"The one where the chick sleeps with one guy and ends up dating another?"

Ino nodded her head, vigorously, "Poor darling—she was so _heartbroken_—"

"She's a whore."

"WHAT," Ino let out a dramatic gasp. "She is _not_!"

(The chick—Minako or whatever—slept with some guy—Ryuu or something—while they both got drunk over something or another and then she went off to date Ryuu's cousin's best friend.

In Sasuke's books, that spelt out a whore.

Or Desperate for Attention, if you want to look at it in a more eloquent way.

But whore sounded better.)

"Uh," Sasuke drawled, "Yeah, she is."

"She is just _tired_ of waiting for Ryuu, okay!? Ryuu is an asshole and just—just—HE'S AN ASSHOLE OKAY?!"

He rolled his eyes.

* * *

In the end, Sasuke only made it halfway into the hallway of the English building before he paused, turned around and walked back to his car.

He could come and pick Ino up later (or, you know, she can catch a ride from someone like the stupid Dobe or Kiba or someone that was not him.

That'd be cool, too.) after he was done with just cruising around.

He figured he could go and lounge at Eightball, since he already found himself driving towards the mall, it's not like there was anything better to do, since all his moronic friends were in some sort of class at the current time. Which, he figured, so should he, but Sasuke had this thing where he didn't… really like to be inside classrooms listening to some old person go on and on about the subject at hand as if they actually knew what the hell they were talking about.

High school totally taught Sasuke that.

Before high school, Sasuke had been a very good student—never missing a class, paying attention, doing his work. Then high school came and Sasuke became a delinquent and only half-assed his way up the grades by bullshitting and still getting excellent grades when he was rarely around the classrooms to even know the material.

By then, he just gave up and decided there was no way he could learn anything without learning it on his own and by his own means.

If anything he was going to the university to please his parents and his brother (and, okay, the fact that he was currently into criminal justice helped, when he was not being a lazy son of a bitch).

Sasuke sighed and walked through the malls, sometime later, making his way to his brother's video game store with practice ease. It was the middle of the day and, though most high schools had already let their students out, the mall was relatively empty. Something he was very, very thankful for.

God, how he hated crowds.

And, you know, people in general.

(_You are one annoying little marble, y'know that, _the Kiba in his head drawled.

He was sure he heard four distinctive chuckles in the back of his head, after that. He was almost positive he was going to need some therapy in the very near future.)

He walked into the store, sparing the two or three souls roaming around a glance before walking behind the counter where Itachi lounged, waiting for questions or whatever else that was needed. Sasuke leaned against the back counter, with him, arms crossed in front of his chest.

Itachi spared him a glance.

"You're not supposed to be back here."

Sasuke scoffed.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class," Itachi asked in a low drawl.

Sasuke shrugged.

"You know, I should get half your pay," he finally commented, noncommittally, his eyes following one of the few customers as he made a poor choice and grabbed a very stupid video game. "At least I know what is good and not. You're just fodder."

Next to him, Itachi snorted.

"You give yourself too much credit."

"I give myself enough credit," Sasuke retaliated. "Also you owe me, like, half your life because I'm like your girlfriend's caretaker or something."

He watched Itachi roll his eyes and say nothing, leaning forwards towards the register as one of the customers finally came over to buy something. Sasuke had to bite his tongue from commenting on what a waste of money the stupid fool of a customer was making with the video game.

That was the whole excitement of the day, Sasuke figured, as soon as the other 'customers' left without buying anything.

He sighed, sitting up on the counters and playing Angry Birds on his phone while Itachi, lamely, read a book.

Time passed, Sasuke figured, he never really paid attention to small details like that. But, inevitably, some time passed and both he and Itachi looked up when someone stepped into the store, their eyes trained on the entrance as… Someone vaguely familiar walked towards them.

Messy red hair.

Yellow-brown eyes…

Tall…

Sasuke's eyes narrowed at the memory.

This was Sakura's, ah, Sasori.

Sasuke studied him from over Itachi's head; the bored look in his eyes, the soft twist of a smirk on his lips, his messy hair, his tallness, his… His _existence_. This was the guy Sakura was (possibly) dating?

_Che_.

"Oi," he drawled to Itachi and they both began to talk about something Sasuke had no care for.

He promptly slid off the counter, pocketing his phone and making to leave the store.

"See ya," he threw at Itachi from over his shoulder, never sparing Sasori a passing glance.

* * *

Itachi blinked, completely perplexed at his little brother's attitude.

"Ah," Sasori drawled, looking back as Sasuke disappeared out of sight. "He doesn't like me very much, huh?"

Itachi turned to him.

"He… Remember what I told you in the morning—yeah, your little brother is really over protective of his friends."

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "…What…?"

"He sort of killed me with his look when, ah, Sakura sort of kissed me," Sasori shrugged, dismissing the entire thing and fighting back a grin.

"Oh," Itachi drawled, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding sagely. "That would explain a lot."

* * *

"Okay, Sakura," she said to herself, pursing her lips and staring at herself right in the eye. She tapped the tips of her Grass-Slipper green painted nails against the surface of the bathroom's vanity-sink (as she liked to call them because _wow_ this was some nice, shiny—).

"You need to stop. Right there—just stop. Let everything go, man. This—that was nothing, okay? Sex is just sex; this is an entirely different era, okay? Let it go; it was a few nights ago and, and, and… Nothing happened! It was nothing! At most, it was just drunk sex between, uh, friends. That happens all the time, right? Remember what happened with Karin and Suigetsu?

"…Okay that's not the _best _example. But seriously! There is no point in tormenting yourself if he's walking around like nothing! Okay? So just… Just.. Stop being stupid and go out there and, uh, be yourself! Yeah!"

Sakura nodded at her reflection, trying to believe the steely resolve planted on her face before she fixed her red-and-white letterman jacket, ran her fingers through her short hair and walked out of the bathroom.

She did not know how she ended up in Ino's (Sasuke's) house and she did not know when everyone came along until it almost looked like they were throwing a party, but they weren't. They were just consuming alcohol like fish, playing a movie that they only half paid attention to and sort of just talked and poked fun at each other.

It was adorable, to say the least.

Sasuke was in the kitchen, mixing drinks for himself and for whoever kept annoying him for something.

(Read:

Ino loved how he fixed her virgin piña colada and therefore demanded he be the only one to make them for her. Which was funny because the look Sasuke wore even as he obliged to Ino's every command looked like an adorable puppy.

That and… Sasuke wasn't the kind to be around a lot of people anyway!)

To test her new resolve, Sakura walked into said kitchen, her chin in the air. Sasuke was standing at the island in the middle of the kitchen, boredly mixing a margarita. The thought of that drink made Sakura shiver; tequila and she were not good friends and she had a scar to prove it.

"Hi," she said, airily.

He looked up from the greenish-yellow liquid and stared at her through his messy forelocks. He gave a short nod.

Sakura raised her hands in defense, "I can make my own drink—"

Sasuke snorted, "Yeah, and I can walk into other people's dreams. What do you want?"

She blinked.

Well, something that won't get her drunk with just one sip. Which, to be fair, was nothing.

"I—um, well."

He eyed her for a second.

"You're getting what Ino's getting. We don't need another accident."

Sakura sputtered.

(_OH MY GOD DID HE JUST REFERENCE US DOING THE NASTY-NASTY, OH MY GOD._

Sakura inwardly punched her subconscious and tried to not make nothing of this because that was the entire point of this exercise OKAY INNER SAKURA?!)

Sasuke shook his head and waved her off, muttering to himself as he spared the living room a glance from across the foyer.

Pouting, Sakura walked towards the kitchen, completely satisfied with the results of her mission.

Because, seriously.

Sasuke was her _friend_.

Sure, her friend she was hopelessly, irrevocably, stupidly in love with. But he was still her friend, nonetheless! Before they even slept together, she had the ability to talk to him as the human being (jerk) he was; this should be a piece of cake! She nodded to herself, slumping down next to Ino.

Just about everyone was there.

Tenten (who was drinking like a fish along with Suigetsu and Sasuke, who, was still in the kitchen, anyway), Naruto, Kiba, Neji, Karin… Even Sai and Hinata! And, just… It was so much fun seeing them all just… There. Invading Sasuke's house just like always. This was practically engraved in their skin—anything happened, straight to Sasuke's house. Hell, no reason at all and just go straight to Sasuke's house (ten points because it drove him up the wall).

It made Sakura grin, softly.

The Dark Knight was playing on the flat screen and, as a tribute to mutual adoration for the caped crusader, they would mutter softly to themselves to still be able to listen to the dialogue and the action. Sakura mildly heard the front door open and only half turned to watch as Itachi walked in…

…Followed by Sasori.

That sent jolts in her system, her face automatically heating up at the memory of her poor show from their first meeting.

Itachi spared them all a glance, giving a short nod as he understood what exactly was going on before walking towards the kitchen. Sasori stepped into the living room, half-waving and half-ignoring everyone as he took a seat on one of the armchairs.

Sakura spared him a glance and almost squeaked when she caught his eyes on hers—locking for a brief moment before she looked away at the sight of his crooked grin.

She blushed, fidgeting with her fingers.

It turned into a game of sorts, rather quickly; catching each other looking at the other and looking away quickly with a grin on his part and a blush on hers. Sakura's heart fluttered like the wings of a hummingbird, her cheeks burning and her fingers playing with the hem of her jacket.

On one of the rounds of their little game, Sasuke appeared and Sakura noticed a little too late as he handed her glass of virgin piña colada and thoroughly getting caught by her Forever Love as she played the eye version of footsies. She stammered without using words, placing her hand on the glass he offered her and freezing as his fingers feathered against hers as he pulled away.

She turned to Sasori and watched as he watched her with knowing eyes, a grin still on his lips.

Walking back into the kitchen, Sasuke glared at everything.

* * *

I made it long for you guys as an apology. Also, I would totally love it if you guys would, gee, idk, talk to me? Like, what'd you like? It's not so hard, is it? I SWEAR I AM NOT A MEAN PERSON, STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD.

Please review c:


	4. inject the venom

**Notes: **In my defense, this entire chapter was written while I was on meds for my cold. I am as thoroughly surprised I actually wrote, too. Because it's the last thing that's been on my mind and idk whatever.

Also. I have come to the conclusion that there is no real 'critique" in the world. Because critics base their shit off of their opinions and likes and dislikes and are, quite frankly, biased.

But that's just me pondering aloud. ANYWAY THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS HI!

* * *

Naruto jut his lower lip out, furrowed his brow and slammed a hand onto the wooden table, his other hand fisted against his hip.

He mustered his biggest, meanest, nastiest glare and waited for his douche of a best friend to look up. And when he did so—when Naruto's glare got a hold of Sasuke's calm, blank face… Oh how he wished to punch the stupid little asshole and then drink his stupid cup of tea and then maybe punch him one last time before just _leaving_.

Slowly, he went through everything that was currently wrong with the world and mildly checked them off. So far, Karin was dating one of his stupid best friends (big NO), he had been informed that Sakura slept with his other stupid best friend (BIG NO SHE DESERVES BETTER), Ino is pregnant (WHAT THE SERIOUS SHIT OKAY), Karin is his cousin (STILL CANNOT GET OVER THAT ONE), Sakura may or may not be pursuing a (n OLDER) guy to have as a boy toy (NO), she is clearly in love with his stupid best friend whom she slept with on a drunken night of debauchery (NONONO), Sasuke is the biggest moronic Neanderthal that ever existed (VERY TRUE).

And worst of all:

He (Sasuke) was doing NOTHING in his part to woo his OTHER best friend (Sakura) whom was stupidly in love with him because he was a stupid moronic Neanderthal which was the primary biggest headache Naruto decided he could ever, ever really have. And why?

Because Naruto was Perceptive and Observant and he knew _things_.

"Yes?" Sasuke inquired, calmly.

Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"You are a _dick_."

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**4**

**Inject the Venom**

* * *

Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

Of course nothing but a minor shot of annoyance jolted his system because this was _Naruto_ after all and Naruto was, in fact, an Idiot.

So Sasuke simply doggy-eared the page of his criminal justice notes and slid it aside, lacing his fingers and resting his chin over them, his eyes half-lidded. By then, Naruto had slid into the other side of the table of the small café, blond hair falling over his stupidly blue eyes as he looked down at the bothersome carvings on the surface of the table.

"You're a dick," he repeated, leaning back and slouching in his seat. Sloppy little fucker, this idiot was, but not as sloppy as stupid Suigetsu.

"Congratulations on your discovery, Sherlock," Sasuke drawled, more amused than annoyed, now. "What's got _your_ dick in a twist?"

Naruto stared at him, quietly, for a long while—enough to have Sasuke _actually_ believe something was wrong with the stupid idiot. And as much of a complete classless gorilla as he was, Naruto was still in fact his best friend and there was a stupid guy code that Sasuke was very much obliged to follow and—

"You had sex with Sakura."

Oh.

Sasuke sighed.

That.

"Yes, it would seem," Sasuke said noncommittally.

"Fuck _you_, bro," Naruto hissed. "Don't say it like that—it happened and you know it!"

Sasuke grunted, leaning back in his seat and throwing an arm over the back of the chair, an eyebrow raised. "Your point?"

"My… Point…?"

Sasuke's eyebrow rose higher.

"Dude, you're a _dick_!"

"Says the pathetic orangutan that sleeps with a different girl just about every day."

"Hey that is different," Naruto objected, thrusting a finger in the air. "Those girls are just as down to fuck once or twice and then go on with their lives as much as I am!"

"Again, your point?"

Naruto blinked his eyes and Sasuke took outmost amusement in how difficult it was for the idiot to keep everything civil and not do something very… Naruto-ish.

"My _point_, dick sucking mammoth, is that none of those chicks are in love with me!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Che?"

Naruto sighed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Seriously, and they called _him_ stupid?

* * *

Ino had this hunch that everyone considered her to be a compulsive matchmaker that liked to diabolically plot and get people together.

NAY.

She was by far too impatient and sassy for that! If anything, she would either be the obsessive fangirl that would ship a ship until it sunk and make diehard screeching whale noises and sell her soul to the devil to make this OTP become a true reality. Or, you know, she'd just grab either side of the party by the back of their heads and smash them together and whisper "now kiss".

Ino took these things seriously.

But now she was in a pickle. It was a very hard pickle because, for one, she was a very diehard Sasuke/Sakura fangirl and, for two, Sasori/Sakura was looking mighty screech worthy and this was _hard_. Of course, she also considered herself a multi-shipper; she figured this out when she decided she liked Suigetsu/Karin and Sai/Karin when her stupid best friend kept (and still WAS) going from one to the other.

Of course she could always OT3… But then that would hurt her to her very soul because there would be so much angst.

And angst caused wrinkles, if you asked Ino.

She sighed, slumping her shoulders and staring out as the rain pelted the backyard's patio.

Mid October and sure signs that fall was getting nice and cozy were beginning to surface. Ino liked the rain, though; she liked it more when her deliciously gorgeous boyfriend made her hot chocolate before disappearing to get ready for work.

Without any classes for the day, Ino was doomed to obsessively fangirl over her best friend's love life and hopelessly wait for her arrival so she can keep her company and maybe watch some novellas and eat ice cream and cuddle with her. Heaven knew Sakura needed it, what with her busy schedule of loving an Idiot and attracting someone Pretty.

It was hard, Ino knew—she'd been in that position!

"What's wrong with you," she heard Itachi ask as he reappeared into the kitchen, geared with a wool jacket and hoodie underneath it, the hood covering his head and making him look so yummy!

She shook her head and smiled, waving him over. She stood up as he approached, going on her tippy toes to fix his rebellious forelocks and press her lips against his in a quick goodbye. Her hands ran down his shoulders before encircling his mid-section and pressing her cheek against his chest.

"We're my OTP," she murmured.

She could picture Itachi blinking his dark eyes in minor confusion as he uttered a, "What…?"

But Ino just grinned, pulled back and sat back down, sipping on her hot chocolate and thinking about silly things.

* * *

She was not having a good day.

Sakura groaned in annoyance as another damp, stringy strand of pink hair fell over her eyes, reminding her that she was soaked to the bone thanks to the unexpected rainfall and that her pretty new studded flats were _ruined_. She knew she should have gone with her gut feeling that day and should have just skipped her nine o'clock creative writing class. Instead, there she was, walking out of her class after successfully paying little to no attention to the lecture, her feet making weird squelching noises with each step she took and still dripping excessive water and getting annoying itches everywhere.

"Hello, Sakura," a familiar voice greeted. She turned around (ignore the drips of water ignore ignore IGNORE) and faced Neji as he stood by the vending machine looking as clean and pristine and _dry_. "Very, ah, warm clothing you've chosen for the day," he said, voice soft and smooth and low and his eyes observed her almost mockingly and Sakura swore she saw him trail a drop of water as it fell from the end of her forelocks. "Nice."

Sakura shifted in her stance, moving away from the doors that led out of the building and curling into herself almost defensively.

"Yes, well…" She pursed her lips. "Poor judgment of the weather, it would seem."

Neji smirked and _god_ if Sakura didn't want to punch him.

"Indeed."

Seriously their rivalry was getting old and it was never going to end, was it? The life of their high school's class presidents, it would seem. Neji had never gotten over the fact that _she_ of all people made it a tied score in which—for the first time in educational elections—the role of class president was _shared_. What did Tenten see in this guy, really?

Neji extended an arm, "Would you like to borrow my umbrella?"

Sakura grit her teeth, volcanoes erupting in her eyes.

She was _not_ having a good day.

(And honestly, how many lives would she make better if she punched Neji in the face? Tenten would laugh, in all seriousness.)

To start things off, in the morning, she failed to hear her alarm even with Ino putting the loudest, obnoxious techno song she could think of.

When she was halfway to school, riding the bus because she didn't even get time to call any of her friends to do her the favor of driving her to class, rain began to fall.

She was dressed in a black, short sleeved button-down shirt, with a light cardigan and _flats_ and no umbrella or raincoat in sight.

Her flats were _ruined_.

Seriously, life was horrible and her hair was going to make babies cry.

You know what else was horrible? No, no, _who_ else was horrible? Humans.

Humans like Neji who deserved a punch for being smug and Hyuuga and a _prick._

And humans like Sasuke who were super pretty and beautiful and amazing and wonderful and prickish and an _ASSHOLE_.

And you know what, even humans like Sasori who were pretty and beautiful and amazing and wonderful and new and older and—

Sakura gawked.

—walking towards her…

Neji furrowed his brow and stared at her as if she'd grown a second and third head.

"Nghh," Sakura failed to compose herself.

"Hey, Sakura," Sasori greeted, doing that crooked half-smile of his that made Sakura see stars.

"Nghh."

Neji was unimpressed, in the sidelines.

_UM HELLO, _Sakura's obnoxious inner voice screeched, _THIRD WHEEL MUCH? OBVIOUSLY SASORI IS ABOUT TO ASK US TO HAVE RAGING HARDCORE SEX SOMEWHERE, NEJI, SHOO FLY DON'T BOTHER ME!_

Sakura paused for a brief second, blinking her eyes and trying her mightiest to subconsciously swat the ridiculous manifestation out of her brain. _GO AWAY_.

And then she realized she was making weird faces out in public again. And that Neji and Sasori were giving her identical looks that described how weirded out they were.

She pressed her lips together, clearing her throat and doing all in her might to look as dignified as she possibly looked while still looking like the drenched rat she probably _was_. Sakura really disliked her life and the absurdities that seemed to happen to her—THIS WASN'T FAIR.

Sasori's eyes scrutinized her, much like Neji had; but while Neji was mocking and condescending, Sasori's was neutral and (HOPEFULLY) worried.

"You need a ride—"

"YES."

Silence as Neji scoffed, almost grinning in amusement and Sasori blinked his eyes.

"I mean, yes. Yes, _please_," Sakura cleared her throat. "It'd be very nice of you."

Sasori blinked, again, before walking towards her and taking her wrist in his hand and leading her out the building. Sakura was quick to float up to cloud nine and thoroughly forget that she just left one of Sasuke's best friends behind her, watching her as she left with another guy.

* * *

Tenten really, really adored Sakura.

She figured this was the reason why her serious poker face had lightened up upon sighting Sakura standing and (awkwardly) talking to her (on and off) boyfriend and some other guy and was quick to flail across the masses towards them.

She also figured she seriously adored Sakura because she was so adorable and petite. And probably because she had _pink hair_

(once, in junior year, she'd convinced her to dye a portion of her hair green and it blended so good with the pink and it just made Tenten think of watermelons and always seemed to leave her hungry.)

and the nicest shade of green eyes. And there was also the fact that Sakura was so smart and ambitious and snarky and sarcastic and she had a temper that was almost as horrible as _hers_. And she supposed there was the whole 'opposites attract' thing. While Tenten was rude, short tempered and wild, Sakura was nice and almost innocent and Tenten just really adored her, okay?!

Sakura was gone by the time Tenten made it to Neji's side. Her honey-brown eyes stared off as she disappeared out of sight in the company of some dude she was pretty sure she met but didn't quite remember.

Tenten sighed, "What was that about?"

Neji scoffed, shaking his head, but gave no reply.

Seconds later, Sasuke appeared at their side and Tenten was quick to smirk.

She happened to like Sasuke, too.

He was a dick and sarcastic and an asshole and it was _funny_.

"What," he said rather than asked.

Tenten shrugged her shoulders and while she did this, Neji wore a very smug smirk as he turned his pale eyes towards his sort-of best friend, eyeing him with minor interest.

"Nothing," he drawled. "Just had a _nice_ conversation with Sakura."

Tenten sucked on her lower lip and watched the two.

"Huh," Sasuke grunted.

Neji chuckled. "And they say Uchihas are possessive."

* * *

The ride from campus to Sakura's apartment complex was about twenty-five minutes long. While Sasori drove and Sakura sat curled up on the passenger's seat, she wondered how many ways she was bound to embarrass herself.

So far, Sasori had been quiet, only speaking when he needed directions or when he grumbled about the song the radio station played. And so far, Sakura made weird gurgling noises five times and spoke to herself aloud once. He seemed to find it amusing and Sakura didn't quite know if that was a good thing or not… But still.

"Here?"

Sakura swallowed the inevitable gurgle and gave a quick nod and a sniffle, already feeling a three-day cold forming.

The rain continued to fall, light yet promising of a storm if underestimated. Sakura wrapped her arms around herself and shifted as he slowed down in front of the complex. She sniffled, turning to him but making sure not to make contact with his eyes because then all hell would break lose and in the crossfire he would die and Sakura would be the only one to blame and therefore an angry mob made up of hormonal girls would seek her out and destroy her.

Because.

He was so pretty and—and—and _pretty_.

"Would you like to come in? I mean, I was," she furrowed her brow and tried to fight down the heat that threatened to overtake her face. "I mean, I was wondering if you would be nice enough to drive me to Ino's house—I'll give gas money, I swear!"

Sasori chuckled, turning the double-parking sign off and looking for a place to park. "Calm down, Sakura. It's cool."

* * *

Sakura's apartment was, to say the least, tidy.

It was small—one bedroom a decent sized living-room-kitchen with a bar table and two barstools for an entrance to the kitchen; decent sized fridge and stove and on the corner of the little miniature kitchen was the sink and a little window with a sunflower in a pot. It was a nice little place for a girl like Sakura and she kept it clean enough.

"Can you believe Ino and I shared this place before she moved out?" She asked, rambling out of pure nervousness.

Sasori was amused.

Sakura was a very amusing girl—pretty, too, he reminded himself as he watched her disappear into her bedroom, closing the door behind her and making a complete fuss on the other side.

The last thing Sasori expected to happen after moving back to Konoha after about ten years of living in Suna, was meeting someone like Sakura. Not that it was a bad thing—

The girl was a nut.

Seriously.

She talked to herself and did funny faces while doing so.

Made weird (cute) noises when she was embarrassed or nervous.

And she talked enough to make anyone's ears bleed.

But she was very pretty.

Sasori sat on the grungy burnt-orange couch, his eyes landing on the picture in the middle of the small table in front of him. It looked like something you get in an amusement park—a picture someone is assigned to take as soon as you enter the place, one that you get once you're ready to leave and the ones designed for a last chance to get more money out of your pocket.

It was a group—Sakura's friends; Sasori leaned forwards and studied them. They were the same ones from that other day, at Itachi's house.

Most were caught off guard, looking away or grinning at one another; some were able to strike a pose, like Ino and Karin.

Sakura was caught staring at the broody person next to her, fond smile on her face while he glared and looked away from the camera.

Sasori grinned.

They weren't kidding when they said a picture is worth a thousand words.

Then, the door to Sakura's room was opened and she emerged, clothes changed and fitting for the gloomy day and a beanie over her head to hide her bad hair day. She smiled shyly at him and it caused Sasori to pause, accepting that—yes—that was his pulse speeding up, a bit.

"I'm ready—unless you'd like something to drink—duh, Sakura, god, how stupid. Sorry! Would you like a can of coke or—or—or something?"

She fidgeted and Sasori wondered if she knew that her words mush up together and he had to run what she said through his head to break it all down and understand what she meant.

"Nah, it's okay," he said, shaking his head and walking towards the door, a hand in his pocket.

He opened the door, Sakura right behind him and—

—Sasuke stood on the other side, a hand shoved in the pocket of his skinnies, the other poised to ring the doorbell.

* * *

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, dropping his hand back down to his side.

His hoodie was getting wet and his forelocks were sticking to his forehead and making it harder to see; but it was as clear as day that Sakura and Sasori were coming out of her apartment.

Che…?

Sasuke raised his eyebrows and turned around and left.

* * *

HOW ABOUT THEM GIANTS THO'?!

ORANGE REIGN ORANGE REIGN ORANGE REIGN ORANGE REIGN!

Also, in the words of my dear friend Chloe, bitches be bold and review. You know, I'm the kind of reader that checks reviews out to get a glimpse of what I'm about to read. And it's funny when I see you guys there and I'm like "GEEEE WOOOOOW YOU GUYS REVIEW HERE BUT CAN'T SLIDE A 'BITCH THIS IS AWESOME' MY WAY? TALK ABOUT DOUBLE STANDARDS!" So, really... Please review...


	5. you shook me all night long

**Notes: **Get ready for some _long_ author's notes coz I have a lot to say. But let me start of by saying that I turned 21 this passed Monday (the third). It was the best birthday ever thanks to my online friends, my family and my mother (and as some know my relationship with my mom ain't that great, so that part meant a lot).

Secondly. I need you guys to understand something about me. I am obscene; when I cuss? I am mostly just talking normal talk; I'm not offending you, I am not angry, I am not nothing. So when I say "bitches be bold" or call you "hoars" or "putas", that's me being me. That's me talking to you guys like I talk aloud in real life. If you can't handle that, if you're offended (I'm looking at you, anon who leaves very colorful anon reviews. Because I know you follow me and I know you have an actual account but are too much of a pussy to talk to me with it) then by all means, drop my stories, unfollow me, whatever. I am not changing myself for anyone. And either way, you WILL know when I'm trying to be a rude cunt. Trust me, you will see the difference.

Thirdly. I know you guys, some of you, I don't know who but I know you're using my penname on other sites. Twitter, deviantART and some other websites I don't even know the purpose of. I know and I see you. Now this is actually funny to me because that just tells me you're not creative enough to come up with your own name. But when I find a crunchyroll (wtf is a crunchyroll) account, not used for a year, not only with my penname but with the person owning the account trying to use elements of ME? That is going to freak me out and piss me off. Please don't do that; it's one thing to try and steal my alter ego (because xfucktheglasses is my alter ego, believe me, I talk about her as if she were a different person and not ME) but to try and steal my personality? No. And if you're bold enough to do it, do it right, at the very least.

Lastly, I want to thank you guys for the reviews and the support. I do love you guys and I do appreciate you as well. Don't forget that (:

* * *

To be Sasuke's friend, there were a few rules you had to abide by.

One, don't bother him, don't acknowledge his presence because he won't acknowledge yours, and don't call him or text him unless it involves alcohol.

Speaking of alcohol:

Two, don't drink his alcohol, don't touch his alcohol _bottles_, and don't even _think_ about his alcohol and the level of drunk you could reach while consuming them.

Three, don't save your memory in his video games. Just don't.

Four, _don't change the music in his car_.

(Or, you know, call it a car.

Her name was Baby.

And Sasuke would throttle anyone that called her anything but.)

Luckily, Suigetsu abided by none of them. Not that anyone was really surprised—Suigetsu rarely followed rules (as a child, he colored outside of the lines just because he didn't really like how the instructions told him not to). And, just as surprisingly, he had survived a very beautifully abusive friendship with Uchiha Sasuke. Not that either of them would call it a friendship; Suigetsu himself would call it a broship. It sounded way more awesome.

Classically, Sasuke had his iPod hooked up to the radio and a nice not too loud yet not too low session of Blink-182 was playing. Now, being how Suigetsu was not only bros with Sasuke, but bros with Kiba and even _Ino_, he had come to have a soft spot for the ridiculous band. But if he had to listen to Toast and Bananas one more time…

Twitching, Suigetsu reached over to the black iPod (the one with the massive amount of gigabytes; black, because it was the same color of Sasuke's soul), and began to scroll through the artists. His bros all had amazing music taste (once you cut out Naruto's LMFAO obsession, last year, and Neji's dire need to listen to fucking classical music—who the hell listened to classical music nowadays, anyway?), so naturally the selection was rather _hard_.

But he was Suigetsu.

And Suigetsu _could_ be kind of obvious.

So he clicked on The Rolling Stones and seconds later, Paint It Black started to play.

And ten seconds after that, a whirlwind of black, gray and anger passed by to get around to the driver's seat. Too bad Suigetsu was way into his favorite song to notice before the door was yanked open as someone slid with outmost (yet weirdly controlled) rage and slammed it shut again.

Suigetsu yelped, sitting up and snapping his violet eyes open.

"'sup, 'Chiha—didja score a lil' quickie wit' Sak—AAAAAAAAAAA OH GOD WHY ARE WE MOVING SO FAST I'M SORRY I WON'T TOUCH THE RADIO ANY—SDJKGFD!"

Tires burned against the concrete as Sasuke made a pretty much illegal U-turn and sped down the road to who knew where. Suigetsu was thrown to his right, instantly slammed and pressed against the window, silently screaming as every event of his life flashed through his eyes.

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**5**

**You Shook Me All Night Long**

* * *

Sakura stood there for what felt like a long, long time.

But there was a thing about that feeling—like the world stopped and gave you all the time you needed to gather and process everything that exactly happened. Let you analyze every single millisecond—every breath taken and every movement the cells that formed your body made. It left you heavy and drowsy and disoriented, because that was what it was.

It made you miss your chance to set things right.

And even while knowing this, Sakura fell victim.

Mouth slightly ajar with unspoken words, green eyes dilated and wide and heartbeat carving a hole through her chest, Sakura stood a few steps behind Sasori and stared at the space where Sasuke had once stood.

Sakura wasn't stupid.

Sasuke had been there for a reason, and though her obnoxious inner (alter) ego was flailing over it, it was _not _to proclaim his undying love for her that shone with the intensity of a thousand suns. That was not Sasuke and if (when) the day came he ever decided to confess, either to her or that lucky girl that was probably out there—clueless that she would one day be the most envied girl in the entire universe—Sakura figured Sasuke's confession would be implied.

Because Sasuke implied everything—it was a matter of deciphering his actions and his movements and the quirk of his lips, the furrow of his brow, the squint of his eyes and the intensity of his glares.

And Sasuke had been there for something else entirely, two minutes ago.

Something… Something Sakura didn't know.

Something that she didn't think she wanted to deal with because Sasuke made her inwardly hurt—everything hurt, inside, because she'd loved him for so long and just… Sasori was really pretty, okay?

If anything, he was probably there about notes and whatnot and he couldn't reach her by his phone because it died. Or something or other.

Yes,

(UH NO, Inner Sakura screeched, yanking at her hair, HE WAS HERE TO TELL US HE'S TRULY MADLY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH US LIKE THE GODDAMN SONG, HELLOOOOO. WE HAVE TO FOLLOW HIM)

that was probably it. Something or other.

So Sakura cleared her throat, lowering her head to get her forelocks to hide the furrow of her brow, and led both herself and Sasori out of her apartment.

* * *

Basically, laundry day _sucked_.

Ino sighed for the millionth time as she folded one of Itachi's boxers, setting it atop the rest and snatching another article from the load. Laundry was, like, therapeutic and Ino didn't need therapeutic! She needed flailgasms and glitter and UST because it was so entertaining!

Kind of like her novella, last night!

She swore she was going to go into premature labor or something drastic like that (given she was around four months this was highly impossible and very nasty but that was how she _felt_) because, "_Ohmygod_, did you _see_ the look in Ryuu's eyes?!"

Karin looked up from folding a shirt, wine red eyes wide and glasses slipping down the slope of her nose. "What?"

"Uh, hello," Ino sang, gushing all over again. "Café Ooh Lala?!"

She watched the look on Karin's face change in a matter of seconds.

"_No_!"

"_Yes_!"

"_No_!"

"_Yes_!"

"Am I interrupting a nice, sexy, lesbian rendezvous? Because I swear I can turn around and leave and try to find a way to insert bleach into my brain."

Ino paused from speaking a million words per second in her attempts to fill in her friend about the juicy details of the latest installment of the best novella in the history of ever. And then she turned to face Tenten as she walked in, an eyebrow raised and her eyes warily staring at them. Her hair was mildly frizzy and her clothes were damp; the rain was probably relentless, outside.

"Squeeze me," Ino bit at her, grinning and rolling her eyes as she turned back to Karin. "_So_! Ryuu _goes to visit_ Minako at her place—no one knows what he was there for, but I bet my perfectly solid C-cup tits he was there to confess his absolute love for her because _c'mon _OTP."

"So what happened?" Karin asked, abandoning her task of folding another shirt because seriously these people needed to get together and fuck (again).

To the right, Tenten snorted, leaning into one of the thick, warm, recently dried and folded blankets and inhaling the scent of the softener. "Yes, pray tell, what happened?"

"Minako wasn't the one to answer the door," Ino whispered, successfully ignoring Tenten.

(Seriously she and Tenten were worse than Sasuke and Naruto.

At each other's throat yet nothing without the other.

In some past life, they'd been gay rogues that fell in love after sharing berries in the woods and she and Tenten lesbian princesses that had sex in the stables.)

"So who answered? Was it Amaterasu, because I swear she'd be such a _cockblock_!"

"NOPE NOPE NOPE!"

"WELL?!"

"It was _Yukio_."

And so began the screeches and the incoherence and the crazy. Ino was so glad Karin shared the same devotion and fascination and love for novellas that she did—if she had no one to gossip and gush over them, _how would she survive_? Seriously—wasn't it such an amazing plot to have two lovers (that don't know the other loves them) have drunken sex and then continue on with their lives like nothing (save for the poor girl that was irrevocably smitten who just didn't know what to do after such a mixed signal) and then the x chromosome found someone that is very amazing but not _the one_?!

How much worse could it get?!

Ino sighed, dreamily, staring up at the ceiling and holding a pair of leggings against her chest as she unabashedly fawned over everything.

"I wish Sakura was here," she sighed, looking back down and folding the leggings. "I'm still trying to get her to love Café Ooh Lala."

At this, Tenten perked up, lifting her head up and blinking the haze of her light doze out of her eyes. "Sak'ra? Oh, I saw her today! She left with some guy before I could get to her, tho'."

There was a long pregnant silence after that as Ino's eyes grew wide and shimmery with excitement and Karin's lips slowly stretched into a mischievous smirk.

"Quick, what did he look like?"

Tenten shrugged, hugging the blanket to her chest and feeling a new wave of wariness consume her. "I don't know! Like a guy—red hair, rather messy. Kind of short, but he looked tall because he was next to Sakura and—"

"HGNNNNN," Ino threw whatever piece of clothing was in her hands and looked up at the ceiling again. "OT3 OT3 OT3!"

"…What? Ino—"

"SHHHH," Ino gasped, eyes practically shaped as stars. "I am OT3-ing pretty hard right now."

* * *

Sasuke was very well damn glad the person that was in his car had been Suigetsu.

Suigetsu was fucking easy to please and easy to manipulate.

Just give the motherfucker food

(or, you know, a girl because Suigetsu was hypnotized by a girl in a snap; granted that only lasted as long as he could get it in and then he got bored and moved on to something else like sleep or food or another hole)

and he was a happy little fatass.

Now, had someone like Kiba been in the passenger's seat, the motherfucker would be wearing a shit eating grin—all knowing and mocking, fucking laughing and shaking his head. He'd be spitting out obnoxious insults and pretending to forget Sakura's name, even if he's known her perhaps as long as Sasuke has, only to fucking spite him and then laugh some more when Sasuke would get irritated because he would fall for the whole thing.

And then if it were Naruto…

No, fuck Naruto.

Fuck him hard in the throat.

He was the reason why all this shit happened; if it weren't for his stupid little lecture, he wouldn't have gone to seek Sakura out and try to talk (word used loosely, of course) about all that happened (when the hell was it; a week ago? A month? When? What? Was this real life?) some time ago. And inevitably land right smack into the ending of one of her rendezvous with another guy.

It pissed Sasuke off.

Of course, he was pissed that he'd gone out of his way to talk to the girl (one of his closest friends, he would silently admit in the back of his mind) and it just blew up right in his face. Angry because she was coming out of her apartment after having sex with another guy? Hell fucking no, who the hell was he to be angry—Sakura could do whatever the hell she wanted, for all he cared.

Sasuke ignored the twitch of his jaw from the strain of having it clenched and turned away from the window to spare Suigetsu a glance.

He was unwrapping his nth McChicken, grinning at it as he brought it close to his mouth.

Sasuke winced and looked away.

Ever since last year's Thanksgiving, when the five of them had been stranded in a McDonalds, way too drunk to even recognize the fact, and an endless supply of McChickens stacked in front of them, Sasuke could never really look at the burgers the same. Just the sight made him want to puke.

"Mmm," Suigetsu moaned, leaning back in his seat. "This good."

God, he was so simple-minded.

Except the asshole really _wasn't_. If he had to be truthful, Sasuke would say Suigetsu was the smartest of them all; motherfucker had a knack for science and, the majority of the time, when they had gotten (and, who was he kidding, still do) into bad shit, it had been by his creations and his plans. Like when he blew up an old abandoned building in the upper town of Konoha where they were taking trees and buildings down to create condominiums and other new structures; that 'bomb' had been something Suigetsu mixed up himself.

("Wha'? Don' tell me yer assholes dunno how ta' make a homemade bomb! I thought we were all on th' same page!")

The little bastard was a mad scientist and no one would ever really know because of the way he carried himself—a manwhore that thought with his stomach.

Sasuke shook his head, fighting back a smirk. It was hard to not be fond of the idiot.

"So is yer dick untwisted now?" Suigetsu raised an eyebrow at him, messy silver-white hair falling over his stupid violet eyes. "Coz holy cow, I thought we were gunna die!"

"I wasn't mad at all."

"…'Kay."

Sasuke turned towards him, a new glare in his eyes, but Suigetsu had slouched in his seat, shrugging and dropping the subject altogether.

Normally, Suigetsu would be like Kiba. Normally, Suigetsu would laugh his ass off and make jokes about being unable to get any and other raunchy crap. But Suigetsu had quieted down with all the crap he had going with Karin; on and off, arguing and screaming and fighting and moving out and moving back in and wow, Sasuke didn't know how the asshole did it.

So they sat in a corner booth at a McDicks, Sasuke half-falling asleep and Suigetsu stuffing his face.

* * *

Sakura sucked in air through her teeth, tapping her fingertips onto her lap.

They'd arrived to Sasuke's house about five minutes ago and she just… Just didn't know if she had the strength to get out of the car. She didn't know why she felt like this but she had a hunch that it was because this was _Sasuke's house_ and what were the chances of her bumping into him here? And she didn't want to be stupid like last time where she was told he was not around, and he wasn't, but he came back—that was the thing—he could come back at any given second.

And he was, like, mad off of something right?

(_I thought you said it wasn't anger, make up your mind, would you—the tension is really shrinking my tits._

The Karin inside her head flipped her hair and fixed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and Sakura was really horrified at the fact that Inner Sakura and the manifestation of one of her best friends were… well… best friends. God, this was bad for her sanity.)

She squared her shoulders and licked her lips out of nervousness.

"Well, uh," she turned towards Sasori, who'd just gotten comfortable. "Thanks for driving me!"

She began to lean forwards and paused, her eyes meeting with his. And, swallowing the knot at her throat and letting her inner alter ego take over, she continued to lean the rest of the way and pressed her lips to Sasori's jaw. She got out of the car, then, knees wobbly but walking like she owned the world.

The door was opened and she grinned at the thought of Sasuke dying a little inside because Ino had the same bad habit as his mother of leaving the front door open, allowing just about anyone to come inside and do what they want. She closed the door behind her, looking around and smiling down at Hades as he purred her way before disappearing into the kitchen.

The house was empty but Sakura knew Ino was around, somewhere—the girl was a slave to her novellas when she didn't have any classes to go to or anything else to do in the outside world. Sakura sighed, fixing the scarf around her throat and her hair under the beanie (but who was she kidding, her hair was so awful, it was going to get Ino to go into really REALLY premature labor when she saw it).

And then she paused.

"Holy shit, Sasuke saw my really bad hair day."

She blinked and gaped, horrified.

"Wait, I've gone to the beach with Sasuke—he's seen my bad hair days."

She nodded to herself, taking a step forwards.

And then she paused, again.

"Wait, who the hell cares what he thinks, right?!"

She nodded, again.

"RIGHT."

And continued on.

She found Ino in the laundry room, in the corner of the garage-door hall. She wasn't alone and she wasn't quiet—but then again, when was Ino ever quiet? The girl loved so many things and she was very open about; breathing was amazing to her so she'd fangirl like crazy. Karin was there, too, helping her fold clothes and there was Tenten, too, who had a tortured look on her face even as she half-laid on top of the washer.

"Am I missing something?"

Ino whipped around, white-blond hair flying everywhere. Her blue eyes shone, then, and Sakura felt like she just stepped into the devil's lair.

"Sakura-forehead-Haruno! Just the precious baboo I wanted to see!"

"I don't like this."

Tenten mouthed something at her from her position on Ino's left. And normally Sakura was good at reading lips (unlike a certain Uchiha she was in sugary sweet love with), but when something involved Ino and her wanting to see her, then Sakura's full concentration went on Ino because if her attention wandered, she'd be dead.

(Like the time she got that unexpected haircut…

Or the time there was lime-green highlights in her hair…

Or the time she suddenly had a belly button piercing…

Or the time they got matching tattoos on their ring fingers…

Or—

WELL THE POINT WAS MADE.)

"Sakura, dear lord, what is wrong with your _hair_?" Ino asked, eyes wide for a second before her attention went back to… To something completely different. "Hey, how'd you get here?"

Oh.

Shit.

Well.

"You know… Uh… I have really powerful friends and stuff like that." Because Ino would fangirl for years if she found out someone like Sasori drove her around. Because this was Ino.

Karin raised an eyebrow, Ino blinked and Tenten smacked her forehead.

"Oh, so Sasuke drove you," Ino said, shrugging and turning back around to her, Itachi and Sasuke's clothes.

Sakura pursed her lips and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "_No_, Sasuke didn't drive me here. I'll have you know _Sasori_ was kind enough to drive me home from school and then wait for me while I changed out of my soaked clothes and then drive me here."

Karin raised an eyebrow, Ino blinked and Tenten smacked her forehead.

And Sakura decided she was going to go jump in front of the next bus because _wow_. Just _wow_. She fell for it—she _fell for it_.

"Is that so," Karin drawled with a smirk, her wine-red eyes flashing behind her glasses.

Sakura snapped her mouth shut and refused to talk.

"AAAAAAAH MY OT3 IS HAPPENING—KARIN. _KARIN_. OT3." Ino gushed, holding a pair of Itachi's boxers in her hands. "That is it. We're throwing a dinner tomorrow. I am filled to the brim with feels and I have to see everyone and give them my undying love because I love them and they are my precious baboos and I will sacrifice the blood of a glitter fairy to keep them safe."

"Wait, Ino, why—when—"

"Shhhh, Sakura. Shhhh. I feel like feelings are going to burst out of my chest at any given second." Ino's eyes were closed and she looked blissful. Sakura should really be used to this because Ino was just—so into adoring everything… And just…

Just…

Dinner?

With everyone around?

_Including Sasuke_?

(And why the fuck was she avoiding him and feeling weird at the thought of being in the same room, breathing the same air as him?

Was it because of that look he had earlier today when Sasori opened the door to him?)

"Gee, that's great and all," Tenten finally quipped, standing up straight and fingering her wavy hair. "But I think I need Sakura's help with something… over there… C'mon Sakura."

She wrapped her arm around Sakura's small shoulders and led her out, muttering something about being afraid of those two together. Sakura couldn't agree more; and she couldn't thank Tenten enough for saving her soul from being eaten.

* * *

At some point, day turned into night and McDicks turned into some gritty Oto club

(Seriously, the best part about going to Oto was sneaking around and not bumping into his parents. But then again, what would his parents be doing in Oto's club-inhibited part of town?)

and Sasuke didn't even _like_ clubs. It was just that the darkness was nice and the alcohol—_the alcohol_. Sasuke was an alcoholic and he was not ashamed to admit that. So that was why he allowed Suigetsu to drag him into a club. Because of the alcohol. The amazing Scotch and vodka and everything.

He was really drunk.

And he didn't really know how they got home because he'd lost Suigetsu at some point but apparently he was found and now they were in Konoha but _how_?

Sasuke stumbled up the stairs and through the second floor landing, towards his room, burping and falling asleep but not caring because wow he was drunk. The hallway light turned on and he paused, turning around to face his stupid older brother who stood by the stairs with messy hair and in nothing but plaid pajama pants.

"Sasuke," Itachi squinted. "It's three in the morning."

"Yup."

Itachi crossed his toned arms in front of his chest. "You're drunk, foolish little brother."

"Yup." Sasuke made a popping noise at the 'p'.

And Itachi squinted again, leaning forwards before his eyes grew wide and his lips twitched at the corners. "You have hickies. All over your throat."

Sasuke blinked, giving him a goofy grin before turning around, walking into his room and throwing himself onto his bed, ignoring his still damp-from-the-rain clothes and his shoes. He fell asleep.

* * *

I just want to thank Lady Gaga for helping me get out of my block. I've been trying to work on this for weeks. So... Yeah. I think I had more to say but... I forgot. I'm just gonna go kick Ayurnamat Theorem in the face so I can finally write it or something.

OH. RIGHT. HOLIDAY REQUESTS. LINK ON MY PROFILE, JUST LEAVE ME AN ANON ASK AND STUFF.

So yeah, please review, sexy putas!


	6. she's got balls

**Notes:** Happy new year, everyone.

Here's some word vomits for you~

* * *

Ino stepped away from the kitchen island and away from the batter for her cake, a hand still holding the whisk.

Her blue eyes were wide, strands of her overgrown forelocks (clipped back because god they were so annoying the way they kept covering half of her face she really did need a haircut ugh) tickling her cheeks as she stared at the screen of the small TV within the kitchen. Her mouth opened and closed and opened and closed and—

"_You're such a—"_

Ino gave a loud and dramatic gasp, pointing the whisk (dripping batter everywhere) at the screen and slapping a hand to her mouth.

"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL MINAKO A SLUT."

Her ship was sinking.

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**6**

**She's Got Balls**

* * *

Naruto shifted because the grass was really annoying and kept poking him in really unattractive ways—like, he swore there was a nasty rash growing on his back right about now. Actually, he'd been shifting a lot since he'd lain down on the stupid grass, it's just that he was trying to do it conspicuously because he didn't want to move from the position he was in, let alone move his head from the lap it was resting on.

But, _god_, the grass was making him uncomfortable.

He growled under his breath, placing a finger in between the pages of the comic book he was reading so he wouldn't lose his place.

"Is something wrong?"

Naruto froze, pursing his lips and looking up at her face from under his blond lashes. He tried to grin, honestly, but the way his lower back was itching was making him look like a menace to society. "Ah, f-fine! Just great—peachy; how's that book goin', eh, Hinata-chan?"

She smiled at him, tucking purple-black strands of hair behind her ear as she shifted her pale eyes to her book. "Great… Just great. Yours…?"

Naruto lifted his comic book to his face and grinned at the cover. Not the first time he was reading Fifty Two (granted this issue was Sakura's and if she ever found out he took it without her permission she was probably going to try and castrate him with dental floss), because seriously this was as far as he was going with DC now. Seriously, what were those bastards thinking? Reboot? REBOOT? He was going to reboot their asses for messing up just about all his favorite characters!

(Also, what the fuck was that with Wonder Woman and Superman kissing?

Who the hell does that—who the hell ships that, man?

Everyone knows Superman/Lois Lane is like the best ship ever. Like, if you didn't ship those two together you weren't doing life right.

Actually…

If you didn't ship Batman/Wonder Woman you weren't doing life right.

….God, he needed to stop talking to Ino and Karin.)

"Ah, just great. Charlie just died, tho'. Gets me every time."

Hinata looked at him with sympathy in her eyes and Naruto's breathing caught in his throat.

Seriously, Naruto didn't consider himself a manwhore like Kiba and Suigetsu. It was just the fact that he had needs and didn't have a solid person by his side to share things like that so he slept around with ladies that weren't committed like him. But if he had the chance he would totally throw all that away and be whatever Hinata wanted him to be.

No lie, this crazy attraction towards her had been strangling him since high school freshman year when she—she—she kind of, you know… _changed_.

Okay that came out wrong; that came out in the way that made it seem like he just wanted to nail her because she had an amazing rack and a very nice curvy body.

BUT IT WASN'T LIKE THAT.

(Even if he _did_ think she had an amazing rack and a very nice curvy body.

BUT THAT WASN'T THE POINT.)

It's just that Hinata had always just been Neji's kid cousin! Like who dates their bros' kid cousins?! It was the same rule as dating your bros' kid sister! IT WASN'T DONE.

Of course that rule was scratched off the fucking bro code when Suigetsu decided to date _his_ kid cousin and have a very annoying on and off relationship with her for who knew how many years. It was really fucking annoying because the girl came and went into his apartment; she was in good terms with Suigetsu, she lived with him. They broke up and she went towards Sai (ew, Sai), she was back in his apartment and they had to share a bed and Karin had that annoying habit of digging herself into his ribs and—

That wasn't the point.

The point was that he was completely smitten with Hyuuga Hinata and she couldn't possibly feel the same about him because she was a very nice girl and he was, you know, dirt.

So he could settle for being her best friend. And having these moments of hanging out in the park, sitting on top of itchy grass, under the shade of an oak tree, reading books and comic books and sometimes just hanging out.

It was fine.

"You going to Ino's dinner thing?"

She smiled, leaning back against the trunk of the tree. "Oh, yeah." Did he mention the fact that she didn't stutter anymore made him want to do weird whale noises? "I promised I'd bake something. It'll be fun!"

Naruto rolled his eyes.

He was used to these things; Sasuke's mother had always held dinners with either of her sons' friends. When it was Sasuke's turn to call them all up, it was normally pretty funny.

"Yeah," he said, shaking his head and re-opening his comic book. "Fun."

* * *

Sakura narrowed her eyes, chin resting on her palm and elbow resting on the surface of the table.

The sky was gray and the breeze was unforgiving but at least it wasn't raining. She sat at a table not too far from the coffee shop's front door, a leg crossed over the other and ankle rotating inside of her boot; across from her, engrossed and nose-deep in his sketch was Sai.

No one really saw much of Sai after they all graduated high school; actually, he kind of became a ghost during their senior year, too preoccupied building his art portfolio to even care about going to that week's house party and drink out of a keg. Now, he was just overflowing with classwork both for his art major and for his requirements and Sai had never been all that good in the English section.

(Which was weird since English—literature—was an art form in itself… Or well…)

Sakura didn't understand what captured Karin's attention.

Sai was attractive; she would not lie and say he wasn't. He had the tall dark and handsome thing working for him as well with his messy black hair, his dark eyes and pale complexion. He was a bit of a douche (a bit really meant a big) and the way he would sometimes stare at you made you wonder if you were worthy to be out in public. But he was actually a pretty okay guy.

Except Sai was an artist.

Karin didn't seem the kind to ever date an artist.

Sakura pursed her lips and exhaled heavily.

"That usually means something's on your mind," he commented, never looking up from his work and pencil never stopping.

She rolled her eyes and shifted, grabbing her pint-glass of white mocha and taking a light gulp. Honestly, when she'd met him in their freshman year of high school she had thought he was gay. But, whoa, that was proven wrong thanks to some beers and Karin as some help. He _was_ quiet, though, unless he had a sarcastic remark to give about something.

"What, you're a psychologist now?" she asked, grabbing her pink highlighter and her book filled with orange sticky notes.

At this, Sai did look up, grabbing his smoothie and taking a slurp, his eyes on her. "God, no. I don't have time to deal with anyone's crap." He cracked the kinks out of his neck, looking back down at his work and tilting his head from one side to the other, studying the piece with clinical eyes. "But you abandoned your studying for your quiz to stare at me for a good fifteen minutes. Do you have something you want to share?"

"Ew, you're gross," Sakura wrinkled her nose. "Not even in your dreams."

Sai snorted. "You wish."

"No, _you_ wish."

"Actually, _you_ wish."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "I am going to kick you."

Sai looked back down at his work, taking an eraser out of one of his pockets and lightly erasing here and there. Sakura watched for a few seconds wondering how it was possible for artists to have such an impenetrable amount of patience before she opened her book and began to read (and skim), her highlighter at hand.

"Hey," she said after ten minutes of silence. "So are you going to Ino's dinner?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really, no."

Sai sighed, "I see. Well, yeah, then."

"Cool, drive me?"

Sakura put her book down just as soon as she felt him his stare on her. Sai was a good friend—an asshole that Sakura sometimes felt the need to punch, but a very good friend; he was like a combination of Sasuke and Naruto. A complete friendly douche; Sakura was used to attracting douche bags to her circle so yeah, but why was he looking at her with an eyebrow raised?

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" He paused as if thinking his words thoroughly. "Or a driver… A driver boyfriend?"

"…What?"

"The guy you were kissing at the mall a few days ago?"

"OH GOD STOP."

"Or there's always—"

"Don't you go there."

"—Sasuke."

"You went there."

Sakura felt herself deflate and a new era of moping fall over her like one of those pianos from the cartoons. She was at this stage of regretting her decision of not following after Sasuke, yesterday and did she totally blow it all up? Did she really? Was there a chance of something and she totally missed it?

She felt like she shouldn't care because wow it's been how many years? But at the same time, caring and wringing her hands and thinking about what-if's was Sakura's thing; this was what she did, this was her role in her circle of friends. She could have fun and drink (only no, because look what happened _with that_) and everything socially butterfly-ish but… In retrospect, she was just the worrying mama of the group.

"I just… I don't know? Like, am I ugly—Sai, am I ugly?"

Sai lifted his head up, blank black eyes a little bit wider than their natural size and he looked as if he were caught in a headlight yet _still_ managing to look like he gave little to no crap about anything. And Sakura did sort of get sidetracked by the pure talent of doing that; but she'd known Sasuke longer than Sai and ultimately was used to such skills. "Sai?"

"I—"

Sai really wished he had a Snickers right then.

"I… No? I mean… You have… Nice… Eyes?"

"Oh my god, you're horrible at this."

"You caught me off guard! What the hell's your problem?"

"Why does the tall dark and handsome type find me unattractive?" Because that was just it, wasn't it? Okay, she was being completely unfair but god Sakura was just a bundle of emotions right now okay?

Sai paused, opening and closing his mouth. "I—wait, you think I'm handsome?"

Sakura glared at him.

"Naruto would give me a list of what he finds pretty in me."

"Okay, so date—"

"I'm not attracted to Naruto."

Sai blinked his eyes. "What exactly is going on here?"

Sakura sighed and ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head and feeling like a total bitch for putting Sai through her weird mood swings. "Sorry, I am going through some pretty bad emotional distress over here."

He stared at her some more, and Sakura had a vague idea that he was thinking about shark week and just… God, he was right but it didn't mean she didn't want to punch him for just thinking about it!

"You need some alcohol," he cleverly said, side-stepping the awkward situation. "I'll make sure to tell, I don't know, Kiba or something."

Sakura pouted, "Alcohol is what has landed me in these situations!"

* * *

By five-twenty in the afternoon, Ino had a lot of things ready.

Karin was bringing in some stuff and so was Hinata, so basically the table was going to be filled from one end to the other. And knowing all the douche idiots that she associated with, they were basically going to bring beers and chasers and everything was basically _perfect_.

EXCEPT HER SHIPS WERE ALL SINKING.

Like what the hell were the producers thinking? Like why would Ryuu even _say_ that to poor Minako—was she the only one that noticed the look on her face? The look of the worst kind of heartbreak ever? Like stone-cold frozen veins and twitching heart and gasps and sobs caught in the throat kind of heartbreak.

Ino was distraught at the memory.

But!

She had to get ready for the dinner-that-was-basically-a-party-in-disguise. So she walked out of the kitchen, hanging the apron on one of the hooks and fishing her phone out of her bra. She dialed her boyfriend's number; brow furrowing at the fact that she hadn't seen Sasuke all day, let alone the day before.

"'Tachi? Where are you, it's almost time for the get together?"

She paused in the middle of the stairs and pursed her lips. She had been talking to the fucking voicemail thing. Ino growled, hanging up and stalking up the rest of the stairs, turning left and heading to Sasuke's room.

She opened the door as quietly and softly as she could. Inside, the place was still dark and only getting darker with the fact that the sun was setting at four nowadays. Ino stepped inside, wondering if Sasuke was even _there_ and if he was, if he was still _alive_.

Sasuke wasn't an early riser, but he didn't sleep like _this_ either; Ino liked to believe the idiot was kind of in the middle. The latest he could get up was, like, what, eleven-thirty?

"Sasuke," she whispered, taking cautious steps and hoping she wouldn't step on anything painful or worse. Trip and fall and make a complete ass out of herself. "Sasuke?"

Ino neared the bed and looked down; she was quite positive she could see a lump under the covers and it was moving up and down—like breathing, not like having some sexytimes. She poked at it once, "Sasuke?"

"Dsaffsf."

She almost snorted. Only almost.

"Sasuke, wake _up_ it's almost six in the evening!"

Something poked out of the covers and Ino had to squint her eyes to make out Sasuke's very messy bed hair and his squinty, still-filled-with sleep eyes. "Whaaaat?"

"It's almost six in the evening," she said, "Wake _up_!"

Sasuke sat up, then, rubbing his hands up and down his face and trying to run them through his hair. He exhaled long and hard, groaning at the end before throwing himself back onto the bed. He was fully awake now, though, and Ino rolled her eyes because this was not the first time she'd seen him like this.

Asshole was hungover.

"Hurry up and shower and _get ready_!"

"Wha' time izzit?"

"Almost _six_."

Sasuke sat up again and groaned.

"God, you're _horrible_." She turned around, hair whipping the air and fanning him. "Please, hurry up. I need you right now since your brother has decided to abandon me."

She left the room.

* * *

By ten to six, Ino was dressed and feeling like the true glitter fairy she knew she was.

She sat at the edge of the bed and tried to call Itachi again.

Ino wasn't a clingy girlfriend—glitter gods knew she didn't really bother with that because her men would always crawl back to her. But Ino was four months pregnant and a basically live-in wife, now. She was nineteen and pregnant and she just wanted her boyfriend to be home to enjoy the dinner and the presence of their friends!

Straight to the voicemail again.

Ino sighed and threw her phone over her shoulder, flipping her hair and fixing the flowy top she chose to wear for the occasion—and leggings, because leggings were so comfortable and just _ugh_. She stepped out of the room and made her way downstairs. She wasn't surprised to find Karin and Hinata there, already, both keeping true to their words and bringing some more food and baked goodies.

Hinata smiled at her, practically flying towards her and enveloping her arms around her midsection.

"I'm so glad to _see_ you! I've been such a horrible friend and—wow, look!" She placed a small hand softly against the small bump, pale silver eyes shining with mirth.

Ino grinned and decided she hadn't seen enough of the tiny fairy girl. Seriously—where did she wander off to so much! She was barely around!

"I'm really glad we're doing this," she said, following after Hinata towards the kitchen. "I feel like I haven't seen everyone in years."

* * *

Sakura had made stupid decisions before.

For example, the day before where she wore an outfit that required sun and a light breeze on a cloudy, rainy day. Another example would be befriending Ino in preschool and keeping her around up to even know. There was also the time she decided to fall irrevocably in love with Uchiha Sasuke.

And like today, where she decided taking a nap at one in the afternoon.

And wake up at basically seven in the evening.

Sakura blamed it on shark week.

Cursing, she practically rolled off the bed and tried to speed around her flat, looking for something decent to wear and trying to make herself presentable. Not just presentable, she decided

(MAKE YOURSELF DROP DEAD GORGEOUS OH WEAR THAT RED DRESS WITH THE LOW BACK AND –

Inner Sakura didn't really understand the fact of casual.)

she wanted to look _pretty_. So she began to straighten her hair, applying the cat-eyeliner and finding the right clothes. The right clothes turned out to be a cream colored sheer sleeveless blouse with a pink collard and black jeans. She stared at herself and felt fierce, felt pretty and felt that UCHIHA SASUKE SHOULD EAT HIS HEART OUT.

Mostly she felt like throwing up because she hated everything and shark week and she just wanted chocolate.

She sighed, grabbing a jacket and looking around and at herself one final time before walking out the door, before pausing. She bit at her lip, looking down at her phone and then up at the parking lot and then back down at her phone. She unlocked the device and searched through her contacts and dialed.

"Can you come pick me up?"

* * *

If you don't know what shark week is, you're not a girl. Also, fanfiction is where I explore my inner fashionista, so sue me. Also, also, trying to make this Sai where he's still an idiot yet very much human. Kind of like the Sai in "The Pinkish Green Saga". Also, part two of this is next chapter.

Please leave a nice review filled with your thoughts about my job on this chapter. It _is_ three in the morning, after all. (:


	7. shoot to thrill

**Notes: **I SWEAR HALF OF THIS WAS WRITTEN THREE MONTHS AGO. then i went into a block. and it took everything i had to finally finish it. Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, last chapter, guys!

* * *

Everything hurt.

Like, he was positive he had not felt this way since summer before junior year in high school where he realized what the true definition of Illegal Binge Drinking was. He had woken up inside a _tree house_ on the other side of the city during that time, man, that had a lot to speak for in itself.

Suigetsu didn't really know how he was even able to _function_ and manage to get himself to Sasuke's house.

Actually, Suigetsu didn't even know how it was possible he woke up on his bed _fully clothed_. Pissed off, jealous Uchihas were a force to be reckoned with and the alcohol apparently lost. Or didn't get Sasuke as drunk as the amount he drank should have. Motherfucker wasn't normal, Suigetsu always called on it but no one ever listened.

He stepped through the forever unlocked door and groaned, walking through the foyer and half paying attention to the people that were already there. Not that there were much—there was Tinker Bell fixing up the table with some stuff or other; he half waved at her as he walked, nonstop, straight into the kitchen.

"Inooo, 'm dyin'." He closed his eyes, threw his head back and groaned some more. This was the hangover from hell—he should be asleep; he _was_ asleep until stupid Kiba called him to remind him that Ino would find and put in a body bag anyone who didn't show up.

Suigetsu was too awesome to die at the hands of a pregnant broad.

"_You_!"

Uh-oh.

"Where the hell did you _guys go_?!" Ino was in his face a second later. Suigetsu cracked an eye open and stared at her raging light-blue eyes before taking a step back in precaution. "Sasuke _barely woke up_ and you have _no idea_ how long it took me to get him out of that bed! Only _you two_ would decide to go get drunk the night before MY DINNER!"

Suigetsu gulped.

"In our d'fense… We di'n' know…"

Ino pulled at his cheeks and sneered at him.

"Just for that, you don't get first dibs!"

Suigetsu bemoaned as he rubbed on his sore face, looking up at the ceiling and wondering if there was any crueler punishment as the one he was being sentenced to right then. He stood straighter, still rubbing at his cheek with one hand and cracked both his eyes open.

He hadn't been ready to see his stupid, obnoxious, _bitch_ of an on-again-off-again girlfriend standing at the island, making some salad or other. She popped a crouton into her mouth, her red eyes locked with his. Suigetsu fought the urge to sneer at her, but he wouldn't despite the unadulterated rage he felt just at realizing he was breathing the same air as her. She wanted to play cool calm and collected, fine, he could do that too, never mind if people thought otherwise.

He walked to the fridge and grabbed a can of some sort of juice or soda or whatever—it didn't really matter, anyway. He leaned against the counter, his eyes refusing to look away from hers.

* * *

**Noise Pollution**

**7**

**Shoot to Thrill**

* * *

He still hadn't returned a single call _or_ shown his face.

Ino pressed her lips together and stabbed her fork into the angel-cake she had allowed herself a slice of. Honestly, this was not pretty and she should really not be this angry because anger caused wrinkles. But she was pregnant and she was still pretty much angsting over Minako and Ryuu—BECAUSE WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO AND CALL HER A SLUT?

NOW THEY'LL NEVER GET TOGETHER.

But seriously!

Why was Itachi being a butt?

Why did he disappear and why was he being a _butt_?

The chatter in the living room was growing loud which indicated more of her precious baboos were arriving. Ino flipped her hair over her shoulder and stood from the stool she was sitting on. Fine! Itachi wanted to be a butt? Then she would ignore the fact that he wasn't around and go and shower her beloved glitter gumdrops with love!

Ino squared her shoulders, threw her head back in defiance and prowled out of the kitchen.

* * *

Itachi was pale.

Wait, no, Itachi was naturally pale, but right now he _was pale_.

Sasori was trying the best he could to keep the crooked grin off his lips. See, Sasori and Itachi go way back to, like, eighth grade. They had been partnered for their Eighth Grade Art Project in which they had to make something creative, which was a very loose term. So Sasori had used the basic skills he had acquired from his grandmother (really, summers in Suna where the weather threatened to kill and no friends to kill time with) and made three puppets for the done-to-death theme of See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil.

That's when Sasori realized Itachi wasn't a good artist.

But it was okay, because they still passed and they became good friends. Until Sasori had to move to Suna halfway through their sophomore year because his grandmother got sick and his father, being the only child, went back to stick close to home.

And from eighth grade, up to sophomore year—never once had he seen the great Uchiha Itachi, lady's man without even knowing it—without even _trying_ to be—grow as pale as he was right then.

Wow, this girl had him wrapped around her pinky.

"Would you calm down?" He chuckled, shifting in his seat on the passenger's side. "Now you're making me worry you'll pass out at any second."

Itachi turned to look at him for a quick second, dark eyes still so perfectly blank and half-lidded, lips pressed into a thin line yet his goddamned complexion told everything his expression wouldn't give off. He shook his head, lightly. "You don't understand how Ino gets with these things. She takes them as serious as her TV-dramas."

"And how serious is that?"

"_Very_."

Sasori rolled this information in his head for a second, raising his eyebrows and nodding his head. "So say you make it—" he checked the time on the dashboard-clock—"twenty minutes late."

His old friend made some weird noise. But to help him save face Sasori pretended he didn't hear anything, but he hid his grin by looking out the window, watching as the traffic slowly began to let loose. They'd probably be a little late, nothing too harming, anyway.

If anything, this was just Itachi realizing he definitely did not wear the pants in the relationship.

* * *

"If you don't mind me saying, you look mighty fine in that outfit."

The dark blue Mustang drove off and away from her apartment complex, ride smooth because the tires were _finally_ changed. Sakura shifted in her seat, hiding her phone back into the pocket of her jacket, along with her keys before fingering her choppy hair in some weird kind of self-conscious act.

Naruto—the fucking idiot, god, what took him so long she had been _freezing_—was grinning as he drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the middle compartment in between the two seats. He looked like a dapper little (only he wasn't little; asshole was a giant) motherfucker, dressed in his usual attire of skinnies, sneakers and shirt yet he made it seem so… Not ordinary and _new_. It was probably the hair, Sakura thought, not that she found anything different in that, either—his sideburns were getting long, though. Like his dad.

Ooh, _Naruto's dad_.

(UNF, talk about a DILF—Daddy I'd Like to Fu—)

Sakura shook her head.

"Shut up, Naruto."

"Well, jeez, you're _welcome_!" He pouted, slouching down a bit in his seat. "You're late, y'know, Sakura-chan—but it's okay, Ino would definitely forgive you coz she's actually raging about Itachi not showing up yet. She even shoved a fork-full of cake in my mouth." He paused, as if completely offended by the action. "I wasn't even talking, for once!"

"I'm on my period."

Naruto's stop at a stop-sign came jerky and with a bit of tire screeching (she could already hear him complaining about burning tires when he had just gotten them changed). He turned to her, blue eyes a bit wide with incredulity. "Thanks, Sakura-chan, because I _cared_."

Sakura went on, unfazed. Honestly, Naruto should be used to her complaining to him about everything, even women issues. Like, if she hadn't been completely mortified and embarrassed about having drunk sex with Sasuke

(honestly, why did it have to be drunk sex? Why couldn't it have been sober sex so she could at least remember what happened, rather than trying to imagine it by the ache in her limbs and her poor nana, and the bruises, and the—)

she would have complained to him about her aching limbs and her poor nana and the bruises and everything! It was just the whole Person thing—there were just things she wasn't afraid of telling Naruto, which was just about everything. If she had been infected with some sort of STD, he'd be the first person she'd tell (not that she'd ever be infected with an STD since she's only had sex a handful of time, if not less, and she didn't quite think Shikamaru was one to carry STDs much less someone like Sasuke).

If anything, Naruto knew this fact as well and just simply played the card of any other boy because it was his instinct. Stupid idiot.

"I spent the morning with Sai."

"Ew."

"Good company, that guy. I think I broke him, though."

Naruto scoffed. "You break everyone, Sakura-chan."

Sakura ignored him, watching as he made a turn and then another. He _could_ have taken the highway; it totally cut the travel time to less than the standard fifteen minutes. But then again, this was Naruto; he liked to do the total opposite of what most people would do.

"Yesterday," she began, "I had such an awful day—I was wearing the wrong clothes for a rainy day, I was soaked, and Neji was an asshole. Like always. But Sasori offered to drive me home to get a change of clothing—"

"Che, this guy."

"And, that went all cool until we were leaving my apartment again and Sasuke was at the door. Like, he was about to knock or something…"

She felt Naruto turn to spare her a glance. It was a quick one, because he was still driving, but it was one of those unsatisfied glances so he had to keep turning his head for a second and a half, each, looking at her with a blank expression.

"So what, then?"

"I… Don't know. He just gave us a once over and then left."

"He left."

"He left."

A quick pause, then. Sakura had a hunch about what he was about to ask.

"And you didn't go after him?"

"No."

He gave a slow nod, the kind that he gave when he was letting something sink in. Naruto knew every single detail about her feelings for Sasuke—it was because of him that she even met him!

"Aw, he probably just needed something and then changed his mind. Or he remembered he had it or something like that."

Sakura crinkled her nose, watching as they turned up to the street where Sasuke's house was. "Wouldn't he have said something, though?"

Naruto snorted.

"Sakura-chan, c'mon. You know those crazy moods Sasuke gets into."

Sakura nodded her head, her nerves returning just as soon as he killed the engine.

* * *

It's not that Sasuke wasn't fond of his stupid friends or anything like that.

It was just that they were always invading his house and therefore, he was exposed to their stupidity and their ugly faces way more than he would like. It had been entirely worse during high school, when his mother was still the matriarch of the house—she would encourage all the goddamn assholes to come and eat all his food and drink all his beverages and shower in his mother's affections. But once his mother moved to Oto with his father, halfway through his senior year, it calmed and there was a lot of silence in the house—silence that Sasuke used to think about things; not important things but things nonetheless.

But then Ino had to move in.

And have that careless habit of leaving the door unlocked.

And allowing every single fuckface to come inside.

And invade.

_God_, how they invaded.

He hated _everyone._

That was most likely the reason why Sasuke took his sweet time in getting ready and coming downstairs. Of course, there was a very tiny, ant-sized part of him that felt bad because even in his groggy state, he had heard Ino kind of get devastated—ah, those pregnancy hormones—at being left alone and whatever not and say she needed him.

But it was such a small part of him, he got over it quick.

Honestly, it was not his fault he was very, very hungover. Like, so hungover that his birthday, last year, didn't even compare. Like, he seriously felt like there were holes being drilled through his skull and into his brain, his eyes stung if he kept them open for too long and he was pretty sure the skin under his eyes were a shade darker than before.

And he _still _didn't remember how he got home.

Groaning, he pushed the sleeves of his black t-shirt up his forearms and slowly exited his room, already thinking about how all the loudness and endless chatter was going to destroy his recuperating brain cells.

Seriously, when was Ino allowed to think this up and why didn't anyone stop her?

(_Get some alcohol in your system, douche; tequila maybe. Nothing helps a bad case of hangover than more alcohol._

Kiba needed to shut his face up and get out of his head.

Why was this happening right now? It normally happened when he was really drunk and about to make stupid decisions. This could only really mean he was still drunk. Clearly.)

He was at the last step of the stairs and he could already hear everyone and their inane babbling—girls and their gossip, idiots and their idiocy and whatever else. Sasuke rolled his eyes and walked into the living room and spared them all a glance. Bunch of idiots.

…Okay, so he was kind of grouchy—but in his defense, he had a splitting headache and he didn't quite remember when exactly the last time he ate was. He dropped onto an armchair, slouching down and hiding his eyes with his hands.

* * *

"Party's here!"

Naruto knew he was the life of the party—no one needed to tell him anything, he _knew_. Like, has anyone seen how dashing he was? His smile was contagious! His skin had the perfect tan everyone wanted—_naturally_. He was a _blond_—what did people seriously think the whole 'blonds have more fun' thing only extended to the ladies?

Talk about sexism!

He grinned, crookedly, walking into the living room and staring at all his friends. And they were all there, which was cool coz now they could get their feast on! Naruto was hungry enough to eat a meal that could feed an entire family with one guest on the side. He blamed it on football and his fast metabolism. And he was a growing boy, so it was all okay so would someone just feed him already?

He grinned at how shitty Suigetsu looked, dark circles under his half-lidded eyes and a frowny tilting his lips down. He walked over to where he stood, clapping him on the back and doing the universal boy hand-shake and fist-bump. "What's got your dick in a twist, bro?"

"I ain't _ever_ drinkin' wit' tha' monster over there," he hissed, nudging his chin in Sasuke's direction. "I tell yer motherfuckers he ain't right. I tell yer."

Naruto's blue eyes slowly turn to his idiot best friend, eyebrows raised and messy forelocks tangling with his dirty-blond bangs.

Fuckin' Sasuke, man.

Naruto's known him all his life; they didn't even bother with the 'best friend' title, anymore (that's why he gave it to Sakura and the douche gave it to Kiba), because they were legit brothers in everything but blood. He knew everything about the motherfucker—could read him better than a book, better than his own palm. He didn't even have to think about where the douche could be, when asked about him; his answers were always spluttered a second after the question, fact on point.

It was just like that.

With their mothers as best friends and their fathers sharing a relationship much like theirs, it was only a given, right?

That's why Naruto caught everything everyone else didn't.

Sasuke was hungover.

He was tired.

He had a pretty fucked up migraine.

His mood was worse than the time they all got locked up for an entire night.

And he had three hickies on his throat.

Naruto turned to Suigetsu, again. And then paused.

And blanked out for a few seconds, repeating his last sentence in his head until it clicked.

_He had three hickies on his throat_.

He whipped back to stare at the stupid idiot, eyes zeroing in on the pink-purple suckers on his throat and tried hard not to give a scandalized gasp. How the hell did he get those…? Well, okay, no, Naruto know how he got them but—_how_? Not that Sasuke was a virgin—boys had their needs, right? Even quiet, semi-antisocial, stoic Sasuke had needs like those.

(NOT TO MENTION THE WHOLE SHENANIGAN WITH SAKURA.

COUGH.

COUGH.

HACK.)

But the only girl he'd bone as of late was Sakura and he knew for a certain fact that Sasuke and Sakura had not gotten down and dirty since that one party.

Naruto looked around at his friends and grinned, figuratively sweeping the dirt and dust under the carpet and playing innocent.

Speak no evil, they say!

* * *

Ino was a lot of things, she knew.

She knew she was a complete a-class bitch—nasty little cunt, that's what she was. She could cut you down through your bones and then tear right open without so much as batting an eyelash. Her words could _kill_, if she so much allowed it. That's just the way she was; that's just how she formed herself because fuck bitches get money, that's how the world worked nowadays.

She also knew she could be a complete sob monster once she got started. She would cry and cry and screech and wail and go on and on. It was a true gift.

And she also knew, for a fact, that she radiated glitter—it was her very existence, she was the queen of the glitter kingdom and the apocalypse that everyone went on about was really just about her riding in on a unicorn and killing all the hate and homophobia and other such things that painted the world ugly.

But most of all, Ino knew she was a very, very (good friend) enraged and rabid fangirl who would flip the entire universe over if it meant her OTP would finally kiss and make precious babies. And that went for a lot of things—it could be for Café Ooh Lala, it could be for Cherry Apple Wine, it could _even_ be about The Dating Game but, you know what, it could mostly be about Sasuke and Sakura.

Because _god_ if they didn't drive her nuts.

WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST KISS AND MAKE PRECIOUS BABIES ALREADY.

But that wasn't the point of shamelessly pointing out, to herself, how amazing she is. No, Ino didn't need an ego-booster; her self-esteem skyrocketed all the way to _Pluto_.

If anything, it was to justify herself as she shoved her plate of angel cake to Tenten (who accepted it with opened arms) and stood from her chair as if it'd grown needles. But she had a reason!

Perfect twenty-twenty vision allowed her to catch those _horrible_ splotches on Sasuke's throat when he leaned his head back to crack the kinks out of his neck and this was _not okay_! Because Sakura was in the building—granted she was getting Kiba to make her a drink—and if she saw those suckers… No.

NO THIS WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

So she stalked towards Sasuke, stopping right in front of him and placed her hands on her hips.

He took his sweet time to look up at her with light-sensitive bleary dark eyes.

"Excuse you."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse _you_."

"You're excused," he said, lowering his head, again, to rub at his eyes with the heel of his palms.

Ino snatched at his wrist and yanked him up from his seat, pulling him close and wrapping her arm around his midsection so no one would pay any attention to them. Not that the idiots would—everyone was already getting drunk and talking about the good old days filled with fence-hopping and going down to the pier to hang out.

"What the fuck—"

"Shut up and walk quietly, douchenugget."

He looked down at her with an affronted expression but didn't say a single word as she led him up the stairs and into her and Itachi's room.

Not much changed, upon her moving into the room. She did, though, demand to put up her posters, so on her side, she had Blink-182, The Beatles and Lady Gaga as well as a collage filled with magazine cutouts and her most favorite pictures of her and her friends and her Daddy. Itachi was too bland, anyway—her posters added a lot more BAM to the white-walled room.

"What are we doing in here," Sasuke demanded, picking up a DVD case and studying it.

Ino could not believe how much of an idiot he was.

"You can't be serious."

"About what?"

Ino whirled around, walking into the bathroom and bringing out her concealer.

Luckily, her skin tone wasn't that far off from Sasuke, so this could actually work. She scurried out and back towards Sasuke who began to eye her suspiciously when he saw what she had in her hands.

"What—get away from me—don't touch me; what's that for?"

"Stand still you gargantuan dildo." She pulled him close to the full-length mirror hanging at the back of the door and tapped the end of her nail against it. "Look—LOOK what you have! Who gave those to you?!"

Sasuke leaned forwards and stared at his throat for a good minute, lips tilted into a frown as he eyed the three—four if you want to count the smaller one—monsters with a furrowed brow.

"Interesting."

"I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT INTERESTING."

"But why are you yelling," he hissed, rubbing his temples.

Ino seethed, yanking him by his shoulders and getting to work on covering those bad boys.

Except, well, that's when Sakura walked in.

* * *

Sakura was already seeing doubles.

She'd chugged half of her glass upon taking it out of Kiba's grasp ("Uh… Maybe you shouldn't chug that…") and then prowled out of the kitchen to look for Ino.

Except Ino wasn't around and all the douchebags watching the baseball game pointed towards the stairs. So she went on an adventure, one hand holding on to the railing as she went up slowly, the other one making sure her glass was close to her mouth because _wow_ this was a very nice drink—Kiba was like an alcohol god.

She hummed to herself, skipping down the hall and opening the door to Ino's room and walking on Ino putting makeup on Sasuke's throat.

But—but—but _why_?

Sakura reeled in, eyes squinted, conscious ignoring Ino's wide eyes and Sasuke's narrowed ones as her already-inebriated state took in the purple splotches.

"Wow!" She smiled, pointing a finger and taking another swig of her almost-gone drink. "You got some bruises there, Sasuke. What happened? D'you fall? A vampire—it was a vampire, wasn't it?"

"Sakura," Ino began, reaching for the drink. "Give me that, yeah?"

"No, it's mine."

"Sakura."

"Oh! I know what those are, you liar!" She giggled, slapping a hand against the side of her thigh. "Those are—are hickies! Wow, you got some hickies, Sasuke!"

She sobered up.

Hickies.

"Who gave you hickies?" she asked, softly.

She didn't get the way Ino opened and closed her mouth. She was too busy studying Sasuke's face; eyes blank, lips pressed together in a frown too sharp and deep to be neutral and his brow furrowed with what could only be annoyance. Ohhh, he was probably still angry, wasn't he?

Or—or whatever it was he had felt when he left her apartment, yesterday.

It was probably the alcohol (seriously, her tolerance was zero—how could Kiba be so mean?!) but she felt tears prickle the back of her eyes.

"D'you have a girlfriend, Sasuke?"

"Sakura—"

"What do you care?"

She sucked in air, holding her glass close to her chest.

"Sasuke, don't—"

"You're the one sleeping with people and then whoring yourself around with some guy you just met." Sakura watched his eyes grow cold, lips in a sneer. "Mind your own business, you slut."

And he pushed his way out the door.

Sakura stood there for some times, dropping the glass on the ground.

* * *

Suigetsu and Naruto stood side by side on the other side of the bar-counter, a plate filled with enough food for four people. They wolfed down as much as their mouths would allow them stuff in, their eyes on the baseball game on the flat screen in the living room.

Life was good.

Until they saw Sasuke, his keys at hand, walk by looking like he was ready to kill without remorse.

They both watched him pass by, chewing and scooping up food.

They spared each other knowing glances just as the door was slammed shut.

* * *

Ino realized one thing as she soothingly ran her fingers through her best friend's hair.

Every single ship sinks.

* * *

Bitches ain't shit and they ain't say nothin'. A hundred muthafuckas can't tell me nothin'.

In other words: don't tell me Sasuke overreacted, I know. Don't tell me he has no right, I know. Don't bash Sasuke because I don't accept things like that and if you want to throw your opinions of him to me, think about my opinion about him first. And think that I didn't ask for your opinion in the first place. So keep it nice, keep it classy and let's keep it clean.

I love you sexy broads c:


End file.
